You left - you took control. You didn’t take control early enough however it sounds like, and started interviewing and looking for better options before losing emotional control and exploding.
You could have done that at any time. We often close off our own options and don’t really look to pursue things due to perceived risk, lack of experience, etc.
If you’d come in with a resignation letter, you might have walked out with a raise - and for sure either way had a better deal. If you’re not willing to walk away, you’re never really properly negotiating - you’re asking for favors.
The more you’re able and willing to walk away, the more of a real negotiation it is.
It can take decades to save up the capital necessary to be in this position. Some people have it by nature of who they were born from. It is what is is.
Pay rises happened to me several times. Promotions within the same company, never. The way to step up, as on a proper stairway, is to also step forward.
My manager did the opposite, praised me for being the top dev, gave me a 7% raise, said that's the max they could give anyone, asked me not to tell the others.
The problem with being "the top dev" is there's no one to learn from, so I started looking for other opportunities anyways.
Never mentioned my old salary, and new company offered me 50% more.
And when salary comes up in general conversation the new company frequently mentions apologetically that they're a smaller company who can't afford to pay as much as others.
Raises cap out here at 6% if you're absolutely phenomenal.
I can deliver extremely high quality projects (in very complex areas) at an unparalleled speed and can turn a team of junior developers into 10x developers but nobody cares and many less experienced developers disagree with my approach in spite of the fact that I keep proving them wrong over and over.
To give an idea; I've build a blockchain ecosystem in 1 year for $0 (only paid in the new crypto before it had value)... My closest competitor has been working torwards the same thing for 5 years and it cost them at least $20 million.
It's not just a psychological "avoid the subject" kind of trick. They literally refuse to give you raises no matter what. In my last job, I was likely the top developer in the company (the company had hundreds of millions of $ of runway just sitting there) and I was putting constant pressure on my boss for a raise and promotion for years (they even admitted that I was one of their top devs). Instead of trying to give me a good deal, the CTO snapped and threatened me with violence - The next day, I continued the discussion and was still pushing forward with my demands (threatening to quit) and they refused to give me anything at all. I had a nervous breakdown right there (first time ever in my entire career) and I ended up rage-quitting (it got to shouting and personal insults).
The only reason I took things this far was because I thought the system would finally yield some rewards once I showed enough initiative and ambition (backed by years of hard work and delivering great results). It didn't.
The system is completely rigged. It's an illusion that there is any kind of meritocracy. Once you really buy into all the "you control your own destiny" rhetoric and start to push yourself and others beyond the limits you thought you were capable of (when you start to impress people with your skills and ambition), you realize that it achieves nothing. It's all a big show.
"It's all a big club, and you ain't in it" - George Carlin