I run an IRC network, I’ve hired people from my IRC network, you choose your own level of involvement.
(And your own level of notification. I know the default in slack and discord is aggressive and designed to push more engagement but it is configurable)
As it stands there are many people who are absolutely not “distracted” by it, most do not get notifications at all, but usually if you did get a notification it would be because someone said your name explicitly.
Most people tend to read up when they feel like it and respond when they feel like it.
I also don’t like absolutism but the OP sounds absolutely defeated and for no reason other than they seem unaware that these communities exist and in my experience have given me better experiences than in person “networking” meetings.
Unless I’m already friends, meeting people at conferences is often not as valuable as meeting them on IRC.
A more positive phrasing: Find your own tribe.
I started a design patterns book study group +25 yo that's still going.
When I was doing activism, I had a hard time fitting in. Politics (and people) suck. So I started a new group.
I've participated in many other groups that were technical, volunteering, political. There's often at least one person that I connect with, making the effort worthwhile.
In that broader sense, we have macro forums on the scale of Reddit, and even Twitter, thought its content format/ui drifts much further way from traditional forums than something like Reddit.
Then on the micro scale we have forums like individual users' Facebook and Facebook communities.
So as with most things internet over the last 15 years, its evolved from having many many small scale offerings, to a very few massive corporations that ate everything else.
IRC/Slack/Discord communities are far better than even the best in-person networking event.
There are even job channels on some chat communities. Though the age of the forum is dead.