I run an IRC network, I’ve hired people from my IRC network, you choose your own level of involvement.

(And your own level of notification. I know the default in slack and discord is aggressive and designed to push more engagement but it is configurable)

As it stands there are many people who are absolutely not “distracted” by it, most do not get notifications at all, but usually if you did get a notification it would be because someone said your name explicitly.

Most people tend to read up when they feel like it and respond when they feel like it.

I also don’t like absolutism but the OP sounds absolutely defeated and for no reason other than they seem unaware that these communities exist and in my experience have given me better experiences than in person “networking” meetings.

Unless I’m already friends, meeting people at conferences is often not as valuable as meeting them on IRC.