I also had the freedom of nobody knowing or caring where I went and how late I came home (=greater responsibility for planning my time).

But I understand what you mean - i had a childhood friend who went to a 2 years vocational school after highschool (during which he lived at home) and then enlisted in the army for 4-5 years (in a non-combat technical role). I suspect the army basically takes care of you when you live on base because afterwards he moved back home & I got the feeling he pretty much stayed stuck in a child role for years later (may be complicated by mental health issues).

I think never having had to really be completely responsible for himself held him back.

Many in industry and service sector who are ‘company men’ and never quit their first job until retirement also face the same problem. Double edged sword.

in other words, the objectivity has to come from someone who has been on the receiving end without having been part of the system.

For example: If I am Indian and I have an accent. Whether it’s understandable to Americans should be deemed by Americans. Not Indians.

If anything I am decidedly (perhaps obcessively) less conformist than most developers I have worked with BECAUSE of my military experience.

This really sounds more like a personal problem that you're projecting onto tens of millions of people. Perhaps "this generation" (whatever that means) has burnt bridges with their family because they offer nothing but baseless, judgmental platitudes about the demise of the youth?

Relax, friend. There is nothing new under the sun. The current generation isn't better or worse than those that came before. The world changes here and there, but most things stay the same. Don't fret so much about the future of civilization. Be present and let the rest unfold as it will.