Now I just need to figure out a good way to pass that hint along to my wife without her inferring that I hate her and don't ever want to speak to her about anything.

Convention says: get your mutual friends to share it on Facebook. My suggestion? A dream within a dream within a dream.

Find a way to infect her friend with this info/site. They'll be more likely to influence her than you.

I always found this very scary. If I'm not the largest influencer (positive/negative) then I have bigger problems to worry about.

You're thinking about it the wrong way... bartonfink's issue was that for this issue his input had a conflict of interest. You remove that by getting a separate person to lead the input... which you can reference later on.

This is not so different from the standard sales approach of gaining the confidence of an SME on the client side who advises the decision maker.

In my experience if I'm her largest influence, then something's gone horribly wrong. I don't mean to be offensive, but this concept sounds more like codependency than a partnership.

Well, I can balance it by saying that largest doesn't mean only.

Yeah, sorry my initial reply was borderline knee jerk. I'm even questionable on even largest, but it's all on the back of my own experience.

The successful relationships I've had were always ones where my partner had their own, multiple criteria for happiness. I want to be at most say, a third of someone's life and contribute as much to their emotional state.

Between work, hobbies, social circles, working out, etc etc, I've always found relationships to fit into that but they place about no. 3-4, and anecdotally, its always made for better outcomes. When they hit no. 1 or 2, it means we're both giving up on something that's a significant part of our character, and I've never found it to be a positive indicator.

There was an article in the NYTimes called "Are your Friends Making you Fat?" that's surprisingly relevant to that comment: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/13/magazine/13contagion-t.htm...

This is a great read.I have submitted it independent submission here. http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=2220912

Family therapists know this stuff already. Tell her that you want to make your marriage everything it could be and more, etc, etc, and get her to a therapist, where she'll learn it for herself. Worked for me ;)

Sounds way more expensive than:

"Hunny, I appreciate that you want to help me remember what needs doing, but it's overwhelming if you tell me as soon as I come home from a long day at work. I know I have a habit of forgetting, so let's make a deal: if I forget to do something come 9 PM, I'll take on one of your chores the next day. Does that sound fair to you?"

Or if your SO can take the hint from humor: "If I had a nickel for every time you told me to take out the trash when I was about to do it..."

> "If I had a nickel for every time you told me to take out the trash when I was about to do it..."

This actually happens a lot... and then you don't get the credit for doing it, because she told you to do it :/

I always thought it was "honey" -- like the stuff bees make?

You're probably right. I think "hunny" is derived "honey" -> "hun" -> "hunny" though.

Hunny is how 'honey' is spelled in Winnie the Pooh.

that's because bears can't spell

Silly old bear.

Sounds a lot cheaper than suffering this though: "No it doesn't sound fair!! What, you can't remember something like that either??" or "You are ALWAYS Tired, God I have to do everything, why did I marry you..." etc, etc.

- Not that I hear that from anyone. Perhaps different strokes for different folk applies here? - (PS: I love you honey)

The other (unwritten) upside being that therapy can help with a lot of other problems too... Of course you should openly talk about it. But sometimes an appeal to authority does wonders to get the point across.

Wow. I could just tell my wife, and it would be fine. I guess I'm fortunate.

A Facebook like works well for me :)

You could try nagging her?

This doesn't actually take into account that the naggee can influence this. As a 12 year old, I remember finally getting so sick of my Dad nagging me to mow the lawn, that I started doing it before he had a chance to.

With my mother this failed miserably. After I gave up on her nagging for someone to do the dishes, she started nagging that the dishes weren't coming out as clean as they should. After I started scrubbing a lot longer and harder she started nagging that the drain and the sink weren't always pristine. After I started cleaning the drain and sink every time I did the dishes she complained the the countertop got wet. After I started drying the countertop, then the kitchen table had crumbs over it. After that, I broke down and had a really bad fight with her, and got her to shut up and just clean whatever it was that bothered her so much in the kitchen.

My mom used to (and occasionally still) do a lot of nagging. By the time I was five years old, I had learned to shut it out. Nagging just does not work over extended time periods unless the other person is completely submissive.

As long as mowing the lawn was +/- the only thing he was nagging you about, I could see how that could work.

Other teenagers may rebel and refuse to do it. YMMV, and the "naggees", teens or not, definitely react in different ways.

Here's the other half of the story: it takes two to nag.

It really doesn't.