i am no specialist but the way the ego works maybe you are making a very high idealized version of you that when compared with the real persona you find a big hiatus between what you perceive you are and the one you want to become. maybe you should relax a little such high standards for a more down-to-earth person, frequently people less exigent are just happiest. i call this the john wayne syndrome because we are trying to be the hero of our own life whereas we are just regular folks. also seek if there are repressed feelings you avoid that are inducing self-abusive behavior