I'm the author of the piece.

That's exactly why I blog about the things I do. People who have really had something terrible happen need a way out and it's typically very problematic for others to reach out to try to help them.

It's problematic because helping someone can set up a situation where they expect you to keep helping and others may agree that you "owe" them. Giving once can become a trap where they keep making demands and you don't know how to extract yourself, so best to just not help.

And if you help people based on their sob story, then they don't learn to be productive members of society. Instead, they learn to be con artists who extract money based on pity because, hey, that works and they need to eat.

It's maddening for me because I've tried to figure out how to earn my way and there seems to be no way to get taken seriously for that. There seems to be no way to convince people I merit an adequate earned income. I'm viewed as a "charity case," which isn't a nice thing to say about someone.

But, yes, we need to find ways to help people actually escape such, if only because the alternative is the Prison-Industrial Complex and other very broken models that do not constitute a healthy society.

I don't know if I'd agree that it's best to just not help. I've been in situations like the one you describe, especially with regard to monetary help, and found that it isn't really all that hard to disengage if that becomes necessary. I start that process with what some might call a "come to Jesus" talk, where I explain that I can't just keep giving money away to what looks like no good end, and lay out what I need to see - concrete steps toward leaving an abuser, getting treatment for substance issues, whatever - before I'll be willing to consider doing so again. Where I can, I offer resources that might help, even if that's just best guesses - which is all too often the case, our society mostly sucks at helping anyone who really needs it - but I offer whatever I can. After that, I just say no or don't respond, unless I see what I said I needed to.

I mean, yeah, it sucks to have to do, but you're not wrong that some people will just bleed you dry if you let them. Some won't, though, and in my opinion they're worth taking the risk, because sometimes all someone needs really is just a hand up to where they can start climbing out of a hole on their own.

Let me respectfully suggest that you are an exception.

I've had a lot of serious problems in life. I've always sought to resolve them with an eye towards being able to stand on my own two feet.

The vast majority of people who have helped me, especially in a big way over some period of time, didn't really want me to ever succeed in standing on my own two feet. Most of them wanted to be needed and aimed for remaining my crutch. They were actively angry if I tried to actually stand on my own.

I've ended a lot of relationships based on their inability to see me as anything but a charity case and their open hostility at my desire to actually become a functional human being. Such people want to help, but only so much. If you want to grow beyond their vision of what you are capable of, there may be hell to pay. They may actively be vengeful and seek to keep you in your place.

Sure. I've been on the wrong end of people like that, and it's not a good place to be. But that's a separate question, I think - that of whether or not to accept help, vs. whether or not to offer it.

I'm having a dreadful day and I think we are probably talking past each other. I will just note that I never suggested that it's best to never help. I used a lot of provisional language, like can and may.

Suffice it to say this is a thorny problem with many potential pitfalls from both sides and I blog in hopes of providing a path forward that involves fewer pitfalls because reading my blog doesn't create a one-on-one personal relationship, which is where either giving help or receiving it can turn into trouble you didn't anticipate.

I only wish I was better at monetizing my writing. That's a hard row to hoe these days and it means I'm still writing for a pittance, which still leaves me wondering at times if I'm still a fool and a chump, benefiting other people and getting far too little in return.