Sure. I've been on the wrong end of people like that, and it's not a good place to be. But that's a separate question, I think - that of whether or not to accept help, vs. whether or not to offer it.
Re:Putting Victimhood Behind You
by DoreenMichele on Wednesday September 25, 2019 @08:10PM
(#21076944)
I'm having a dreadful day and I think we are probably talking past each other. I will just note that I never suggested that it's best to never help. I used a lot of provisional language, like can and may.
Suffice it to say this is a thorny problem with many potential pitfalls from both sides and I blog in hopes of providing a path forward that involves fewer pitfalls because reading my blog doesn't create a one-on-one personal relationship, which is where either giving help or receiving it can turn into trouble you didn't anticipate.
I only wish I was better at monetizing my writing. That's a hard row to hoe these days and it means I'm still writing for a pittance, which still leaves me wondering at times if I'm still a fool and a chump, benefiting other people and getting far too little in return.
I've had a lot of serious problems in life. I've always sought to resolve them with an eye towards being able to stand on my own two feet.
The vast majority of people who have helped me, especially in a big way over some period of time, didn't really want me to ever succeed in standing on my own two feet. Most of them wanted to be needed and aimed for remaining my crutch. They were actively angry if I tried to actually stand on my own.
I've ended a lot of relationships based on their inability to see me as anything but a charity case and their open hostility at my desire to actually become a functional human being. Such people want to help, but only so much. If you want to grow beyond their vision of what you are capable of, there may be hell to pay. They may actively be vengeful and seek to keep you in your place.