This is amazing advise through and through. Ticks all the boxes. For many of us we spend so much time at work that we perceive our colleagues as friends. This is a fallacy. I left a job after 15 years and have maybe 1-2 real friends out of that time.

Drinking at company parties is so on point. If you need to drink a lot, make an appearance at the party and go drinking with trusted friends after.

I thought my similar position was unique, I'm glad to hear others can spend so long at a single place and have next to nothing to show for it as far as friendships are concerned. Who knows? Maybe it's the reason we we're able to stay in the same place so long?

Can't stress enough. Never over drink at party. Keep it to single glass.

Keeping behavior professional/separating colleagues and friends is on the top of my list these days. I have recently had numerous conversations with younger attorneys in my firm about this - they think “oh, our managing attorneys are great, we can be open books with them! We can talk freely about our massive hangovers and romantic dalliances...” and I try to explain how much things are exaggerated and gossiped about. Not just in the office, but in the professional community. It is a sad but true state of professional work and all human interaction. Most people are simply not your friends and will go out of their way to tell stories about you. It is baffling.

I think also you have to be aware of people's incentives. This isn't a sailing club. If someone gets some inside information about you or your work, that can be used as ammo during political battles. A lot of the office "friends" are fishing for informational arbitrage. And even a fish can keep out of trouble if it keeps it's mouth shut.

> The people you work with are called colleagues, not friends. Sometimes it can hop over, but don't divulge personal information to a colleague that should only be shared amongst friends.

This is disappointing. Offices are like high school without the fun parts. I think part of what bothers me about work in an office environment is the lack of being human or myself for so much of the day. That probably sounds more dramatic then reality. I do feel like you have to turn off emotion except overly happy.

I've realized that friends can be more of a liability at work than a benifit. Most people know this and have mastered the art of being friendly while avoiding any deep emotional involvement. When I was younger I was hungry for that high school feeling too, but it's best to look for it in other places. Professionalism is the standard for a reason.

Some hypotheticals:

You make a friend at work. That friend gets fed up with their role and quits. Your morale takes a dive.

Friend at work starts to have performance issues. You get caught between supporting your friend or the team.

Friend at work is now your boss or is put in a position to manage or inspect your work.

Friend at work gets laid off.

You share some personal details with friend, personal details are then shared with others.

You office gossip with friend over drinks. It comes back to bite you.

It was and still is hard for me as well. I tend to get emotionally involved with whatever job I do and the people I work with and that sometimes creates friction with people who prefer a level of professional detachment (or just don't care).

Anyway: I recommend the book "Reinventing Organizations" for a look at how to create more human-friendly orgs and "Time to Think" for some powerful tactics to use at a team level.

> Don't be an asshole.

It's really hard to know when you are one though. Hardly anyone thinks they're an asshole, even when they are, right?

And in some organizations, word gets around that being an asshole is how to get ahead. So less assholish people refine their inner asshole. Sometimes more or less aware of it than others.

So, what should self worth be based on? "I'm valuable just because I exist?" I'm not suggesting that's what you mean, but to me, that interpretation would be a bit arrogant. Isn't there some value in partially placing our self worth based on other's opinions-- so we can attempt to reproduce/be more of the things others find best in ourselves?

You should determine your own self worth and it should not be reliant on the compliments of others. The problem with being reliant on compliments is what happens if you are in an environment that doesn't give out compliments? Parents and teachers give you compliments to help you along, bosses usually don't or it's not often. On the flip side, what happens if you are in an environment that gives out half hearted, polite, or just plain fake compliments? Does your self worth get artificially inflated?

Your paycheck is the compliment and that's all your self worth should require outside of your own self assessment. (Wow this started to get philosophical quick).

> "I'm valuable just because I exist?"

That's a start. What missguided thinking would suggest otherwise?

But that doesn't mean, that you are valuable (able to provide value) to someone else.

However, the point about self worth, I like to make is: self worth starts with you - based on experience, and obviously supported by a feedback loop you gain confidence in what you're good at, and what not.

So, the best way to gain self worth is by gaining confidence, is by gaining experience.

I struggle with this as well as I read many warnings against deriving self-worth from external sources. However I am not free from that and I don't think I'll ever be.

I draw the line at excessive rumination when someone does NOT provide that external validation or criticizes me outright.

Unfortunately assholes often do make it to the top...