It is perfectly fine that the people communicate, and even helping each other to improve tech skill should be encouraged; however, decisions about their respective products should be contained within each team, with clearly defined interfaces and usage documentation.
In order to make those decisions and define the interfaces, you need to know a lot about how your software is going to be used. That will be much easier if you have good communication with the other teams and understand their goals and motivations.
The main advantage of distributed system, and particularly microservices, is the ability to have each system completely independent: individual components can be written in different languages, running on different platforms and use completely independent internal components. Basically, it is just like using an external library, component or service: the authors provide documentation and interfaces, and you should be able to expect it to behave as advertised.
If you just implement all requests directly, you're for sure going to end up with a horrible interface. You should approach API design the same way that UX/PM approaches UI and feature design: take the time to understand _why_ your partner teams/engineers are requesting certain changes and figure out the right interface to address their problems.
Edit: I just noticed that "PM" in parent comment. Basically, product managers are not just for UI and customer-facing products.
But yes, you can never just do what "the users" ask for. The best way to understand what they need is to be in conversation with them. Silo'ing everyone up isn't going to make the overall product -- which has to be composed of all these sub-components working well with each other -- any better.
Oh it absolutely can; it's just that it usually is not a good idea. But I'm not talking about the process of reaching that decision, I'm talking about the responsibility to reach them. Functional and technical decisions are separate, but in most cases should be defined in conjunction.
> Silo'ing everyone up isn't going to make the overall product
This is true for certain types of product, and less so for others; you need to clearly understand what type of product you're building, and be ready to adapt as it changes (or you have a better understanding of it). In a nutshell, the more compartmentalised a product is, the isolation between the teams becomes more beneficial. Which brings us full circle back to Conway's Law.
Of course you're talking about the process. Your claims that "direct communication between teams is not the right method for that," and "communication between teams working on discreet, separate units can become detrimental," for instance, are about process.
I don't think this conversation is going anywhere, but from my experience, lack of communication between teams working on discrete, separate units (that are expected to be composed to provide business value), can become detrimental. And that's about process.
But culturally, it would be nice if people helped each other out from time to time...
Or perhaps your statement is correct, but in the real world components are never sufficiently separate. So, while your statement may be correct by definition, it is not useful.
I can imagine there being a normal distribution of 'separateness' of software and the rare top tail-end of the distribution gets it perfectly right, most are in the middle somewhere between 'service oriented architecture' and 'ball of mud' and some are just at plain ball of mud.
> in the real world components are never sufficiently separate
But the separation of components is not an issue of "real world", it is a function of design and implementation. It is absolutely to the developers how independently the components will be implemented; if there is no way to test them in isolation, then they are not really separate components.
Take this website, and your browser, as an example. They are obviously connected, as you're using the latter to access the former, but they are completely independent: you can access other pages with the browser, and you can use other methods (other browsers, or curl, or Postman etc) to access this page. Each can be tested separately, and even when they are used in conjunction they don't directly depend on each other, but rather on a set of standards (HTTP, HTML, CSS etc) understood by both.