> Seriously consider having the baby sleep in your bed with you, especially if you/your spouse are breastfeeding.

We've got our little one in a cradle next to the bed and my wife is breastfeeding. This is just as convenient, if not moreso than having him in the bed. I sleep like a rock and I'm concerned about squishing the poor guy.

> Don't waste your money on a change table. You will change that baby's diaper wherever you need to do it. (We've changed our baby's diaper in the trunk of our car.)

Our changing table has a ton of room for storage and can become a dresser for the kid later in life. Our house isn't that big (1750sq ft), so we take him to his room to be changed. It saves a lot of bending over and I think my back is better for it. Additionally, it keeps all the necessary supplies at hand. We have changed him in the trunk, as well. I think it's a rite of passage...

> Get in the habit of keeping a utility bag with you at all times.

This. Always have baby supplies (and parent supplies) with you.

As for the attachment parenting, we have a mobi-wrap and a baby bjorn. I use the hell out of the bjorn, but the mobi-wrap is a bit of a hassle (it's a giant strip of black fabric). My wife, however, loves the mobi. Find some sort of baby carrier that works for you, they're indispensable.

EDIT: Also, look for a crib that can be adjusted over time. We picked one up that goes from crib, to deeper crib, to twin sized bed, so our son can potentially use it for years to come.

* Seriously consider having the baby sleep in your bed with you, especially if you/your spouse are breastfeeding.

In my experience this leads to drastically less sleep. You disturb your baby and your baby disturbs you. We put the baby in another room and invested in a baby alarm.

* Seriously consider breastfeeding.

Yes, but don't pressure yourself too much...the most important thing is that the baby eats properly. Bottle feeding gives you the critical advantage of being able to measure how much the baby eats.

* Don't waste your money on a change table.

I would say invest! After a week or so of leaning over to change our baby it really affected me sitting at the computer to code. Bad back means bad news for your startup.

Why is it a "critical advantage" to measure how much the baby eats? Babies need to eat when they're hungry and they stop when their stomach is full.

For the vast majority of parents, it doesn't matter. If you're worried about it, invest in a baby scale and weigh regularly (keep in mind that babies lose weight immediately after birth, though.) Doctors can give you a chart for normal weight gain.

For a minority of parents, the child will be "failure to thrive" and for that you will need to measure intake, but the child will also be on special high calorie formula anyway. So at this point the advantage is irrelevant.

"Measuring" is a really stupid reason to deny your kid the other benefits of breast feeding. However, there are many viable reasons not to breastfeed, such as it's just not working, or the mother needs to work/have a life, or it's painful, etc.

I was going to ask the same question. Not once have a thought "my daughter is eating too much."

Politics, nutrition and parenting are all conversations I attempt to avoid, and this combines 2 of 3 topics. :/

With breast-feeding my wife wasn't worried about "too much", rather "not enough": it wasn't clear to her exactly how much our daughter was getting.

That said, it was pretty obvious that she was getting enough, it was just mildly uncomfortable not knowing how much.

Agree here. Bending over to change does your back in. And when the poop has gone up their back or down their leg, you want a surface you can bleach.

Also agree on sleeping separate - we put ours in the nursery after three nights. He sleeps 7pm - 8am now (at 8 months) and is very happy. Bizarely, tired babies don't sleep well (ie don't keep them up in the hope they'll sleep longer). Put them to bed before they get overtired. If you share a room you will wake each other and you'll all be tired and cranky.

Sleep separate. We are on baby #2 and #1 slept in our bed for almost 12 mos. It was terrible as the baby got bigger an would move around. No one got sleep. Sleep deprivation is bad for parenting and marriages. If you knew your child's school bus driver was operating on 3-4 hours sleep you'd pitch a fit, why should parents do the same?

#2 is sleeping in her room in crib and we have a twin bed in that room and we take turns sleeping in that room with her. She starting to stay asleep at night for longer periods and is almost 6 mos old. She also has terrible reflux since she was born and would vomit up even breastmilk so she is on a special formula.

My experience is that sleeping together makes things easier at the beginning when it does calm them but it's harder to break it the later you leave it so you're just trading off early pain for later pain. We took the pain early and it's worked out well enough that we'll likely do the same the next time round.

Our experience was great. She slept with us for a month or so (breastfeeding). Then we felt we'd sleep a little better if we put her in her own bed right next to us, so we did that (in the same room) for a few months. Being in the same room makes it easier because you don't have to go check on her in another room. Then at 6 months or so we put her in her own room. It all went totally smooth.

Don't be afraid to sleep with the baby if you feel like it, and don't be afraid to put them in their own bed if you feel like it. It's ok. Also, putting them in their own bed in the same room for a little while gives you a lot of advantages (easy to check on them without getting out of bed etc.)

Basically, just do what you feel like and if it isn't working try something else.

We didn't have early or late pain. Our older son was an epic sleeper, our younger son not so much; but each of them decided in turn that they wanted to move into their own room, which we happily obliged.

Yes. If there is one universal truth in the land of parents with newborns, it's that you'll get a sore back. Especially when you have to spend hours leaning over as they hold your fingers learning to walk. I'm now friends with my physio!

Yeah I would highly suggest investing in a video monitor. because you're so paranoid as a new parent, you'll be tempted to run in and check on the little one for every little noise. Don't wake a sleeping baby ;) the video monitor will really help that.

We actually have two changing tables in the house. One upstairs and one downstairs. Last thing you want is trying to change a kid on the floor who's starting to twist and turn and has a really poopy diaper.

> Last thing you want is trying to change a kid on the floor who's starting to twist and turn and has a really poopy diaper.

...or if there was a catastrophic containment failure.

"Code Brown", in our family's vernacular.

formula is a death machine. http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/what_should_know_f...

Everyone we know who used "attachment" techniques around bedtime had long-term issues with their childrens' sleeping habits.

We let both our girls (now 1 & 3) "cry it out." It was quite hard for a couple of weeks, but they both now have very good sleeping schedules. And, as far as I can tell, no psychological damage!

Sleep with your baby if you find it emotionally gratifying, but I'm skeptical that there's any significant benefit. It didn't work for us - my wife still wakes up occasionally from disturbing "baby in the bed" dreams.

I have the exact opposite experience; everyone who didn't use attachment has screaming wrecks at ~2 years and we're getting sleeping through the night. Sample size roughly five children, utterly unrandomly chosen.

Hooray anecdotes!

I agree - evidence is awesome.

Here's a pretty good assessment of it:

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/774928.html

One thing I don't think is in dispute: "Cry it out" works quickly and involves less exhaustion for parents and children.

Wow, nice link!

It really seems to boil down to a big ol' "I dunno" from science, which is at least a bound on the virtues/dangers of the approach if nothing else.

As someone who is actually relatively interested in science, I have noticed that it isn't very helpful when it comes to parenting, except in a few cases which tend not to be very surprising ("hey, don't smoke around your baby"). The studies are so small and there are so many confounding factors I almost wonder why they try.

I'm satisfied with our outcome, nobody got exhausted and we're in a pretty good position now, but who really knows why?

I agree with you - most of this stuff has a marginal difference on long term outcomes. The way I interpret the data is: as long as you don't abuse or neglect your kid, they'll be fine.

Most parents don't want to hear this - but I think it's great! I don't have to participate in science-approved stimulation activities, I can just play with my kids.

> Seriously consider having the baby sleep in your bed with you, especially if you/your spouse are breastfeeding.

No. Everybody gets less sleep and for small babies there's a serious risk of death.

> No. Everybody gets less sleep and for small babies there's a serious risk of death.

I've heard this but I don't buy it. People have been sleeping this way for millions of years. Normally I believe parents are plenty in tune with their baby's presence not to roll over on them. If you're a heavy drinker then yeah you should probably go sleep on the couch. But as a parent you often have to make choices with conflicting information. If you want the best of both worlds get a co-sleeper.

"People have been sleeping this way for millions of years".

First off mattresses and the way we sleep now are only a few hundred years old. Second we don't have detailed statistics for infant deaths until very recently so we don't know how many babies were dying a long time ago and for what causes.

For evidence of the risk please see my reply below http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1839044

Rolling over your child is a myth. Only happens if you're drugged or wasted.

Likewise, people have been sleeping with their babies for millennia. The only big difference with modern day life is our beds are filled with more pillows, soft bedding, etc.

We put our daughter's crib in our room, which I think helped tremendously in getting her to sleep through the night.

When she started climbing out of her crib we put a foam mattress on the floor and let her sleep on that (which we moved to her bedroom). This also helped with comforting her at night when she woke up, as we would lie down next to her. Gradually she stopped waking up at night, and if she did, she would go back to sleep by herself.

IMO, getting your baby to sleep through the night and going to bed without too much fuss pays off. I'm no child psychologist, but I think by assuring them that you're there whenever they need you, they become more secure when you're not around. Being able to have a full night's rest is imperative to functioning well the next day.

Once you have children, you tend to start strategizing your sleep schedule.

That's pretty much what we did and it worked out very well. For the first 6 months we had the baby in his crib in our room and we'd comfort him when needed. Apparently before 6 months they don't know they can use crying as a power so you cannot 'spoil' them. After then we moved him to his room and we would tend to him less.

No, you'll sleep fine and there's no more risk of SIDS in co-sleeping babies than those that sleep in cribs and some serious research to suggest that co-sleepers are actually safer.

For evidence of the risk please see my reply below http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1839044 . I believe SIDS is not yet very well understood, but there's also risk of asphyxiation.

Also if you sleep fine, good for you. I wouldn't and couldn't sleep well knowing there's a risk (although small) of hurting a baby.

This is not true. First everybody gets more sleep not less. After the first month or two if you are nursing you can just hook up and go back to sleep.

The risk of SIDS is lower with co-sleeping, and the risk of suffocation or those other horror stories is minuscule. And on top of that they typically only happen with parents who are morbidly obese or on medication (not just illegal drugs, but things like cold medication).

So the prudent thing is not to cosleep it if you took anything, but otherwise it's better.

Consult your pediatrician before even considering letting your infant sleep with you. There may be additional SIDS concerns.

Meh.

Also: everyone will have advice: you will learn to ignore most of it. Particularly advice by your parents. They had babies in a time when there were different priorities. So you'll have to learn to find your own way, trust your instincts, talk to other parents you like/admire.

You can safely ignore most advice by most people :)

(ps: my tip: you can't spoil a baby, not until they're, say, 1 year old (then discipline becomes part of the game. You can never kiss/hold/love them enough or give them too much attention at that age.)

If you knew somebody who killed their baby by rolling over in their sleep on her, somehow I doubt "meh" would be your response.

How about the baby who died because through unknown causes in its own room, that could have been saved if it was in your own bed?

everything carries a risk. Do what seems natural and right for you.

Yes, the reality is terrible, but as with anything else, it's risk/reward. I would rather enjoy the reward of going outside, even though there's a chance I will be struck by a car.

In my opinion, the reward to the parents and the baby from co-sleeping outweighs the risks. You should of course take precautions to mitigate the risk.

Definitely avoid those sleeping positioners.

Of course. But that doesn't add strength to the argument that you shouldn't sleep with your baby.

My son is two weeks old by now, and the nurses at the hospital all said that a mother won't crush her child in bed. Apparently women have some kinds of instincts at work here.

Men are a less safe bet, apparently. My sister (a phyisician) said that it can be dangerous if the men are drugged (alcohol, for example).

There is also the sudden infant death syndrome. They still don't know what's going on, but statistics seem to dictate to have the baby sleep in the same room, but separate bed. That doesn't apply for the first four weeks, though - in the first four weeks it is apparently fine to have the baby sleep in the same bed.

Also consider that the sudden infant death thing stems from the cold world of modern medicine. I think in individual cases it is probably OK to not stick to every rule. Some might be more important than others, too. For example smoking in the household seems to be extremely bad.

Wish I had access to the raw statistics.

You won't crush your baby, don't worry about it. (Unless you go to sleep drunk or something, I mean, really!)

You can put that big pregnancy pillow around them for extra comfort.

I know of a case where a baby died of asphyxiation while sleeping on the parent's bed. It may be isolated incident or whatever but I wouldn't dismiss this risk.

There are other cultures where sleeping with your baby is the norm, and they don't have issues babies dying left and right due to parents rolling over on them, so I think we need more than anecdotes to say that it's dangerous.

I'm not saying it's a huge problem (I don't know) but it doesn't seem a good idea to risk it:

"There has been a fourfold increase in the rate of infant strangulation and suffocation in the U.S. in the past 20 years, according to a report released today, and the apparent cause (though hardly the definitive one) is the rise in numbers of babies who share beds with their parents." source: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/26/the-risks-of-s...

"The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warn that infants should not co-sleep with their parents." source: http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/298_29656.asp

"Adults sleeping with babies increases risk of sudden and unexplained infant death, inquest finds" source http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/health-science/adults-s...

It's also true that babies that sleep with their parents hasn't been a cultural thing in the US. I'd say that in the last 20 years, the number of people doing it has increased, which likely accounts for the increase in the numbers of deaths due to it.

Using this same logic, we should have abandoned the adoption of the automobile because as it became more and more commonplace, automobile-related deaths rose as well.

It's a simple trade-off or risk management. In the case of cars we accept the risk in exchange for our lifestyle (going to work, go to buy food etc) so this is an acceptable trade-off for most people (I like to reduce the driving risk by grouping errands, walking when I can etc).

In the case of sleeping with a baby you are taking a risk but for what reward? "cultural thing"? not having to sit up in bed and reach to the crib? this risk/reward ratio is horrible and cannot be compared with the one for cars.

* You can just as easily say that having your baby sleep in a crib runs the risk of you having purchased a 'defective' crib that will kill your baby and spawn a recall.

* You can easily say that putting your baby in another room runs the risk of something happening to your baby in the other room that you either can't hear, or can't get there fast enough to do anything about.

* Your baby can just as easily die from SIDS in a crib as they can in your bed, and SIDS is probably a larger risk than you rolling over on your baby (as long as your don't go to bed after drugs and/or alcohol).

  > this risk/reward ratio is horrible

Please tell me what the risk/reward ratio is.

  > In the case of cars we accept the risk in exchange for our lifestyle
  > (going to work, go to buy food etc) so this is an acceptable
  > trade-off for most people

Most people don't do risk/reward ratios. What is the risk/reward ratio of the majority of the populous zooming around in personal automobiles as opposed to pooling resources for effective (and well-maintained) public transit? In many of the places where public transit languished while automobile usage took off it had far more to do with the prestige of owning a car. Using public transit meant you were poor, but having a car (or multiple cars!) was a status symbol. Why do you think that you can find extremely 'pimped out' cars in the drive-ways of houses that are falling apart in places like Detroit? Why do I get teenagers/20-somethings (infrequently) yelling things like, "I got wheels baby! WHoooo!" (or similar) when I'm walking along a busy street? The car is a status symbol a hell of a lot more than it is a utility device (do you really need to drive 5 blocks to the store to pick up beer and drive back home?)

Just checked that last link. Sorry, but it is not even science. 5 kids died who were sleeping in their parents beds. How many kids die on average, what percentage of them sleeps in their parents beds?

I sure hope the "let them sleep in their own beds" directive has a more solid foundation than that.

I think in this case anecdotes is a fine data point. While there may not be a statistically significant increase in deaths for babies sleeping in bed with their parents, accidentally killing your kid by rolling over on them would be horrible.

Having your baby die in the next room because you couldn't hear them struggle would be horrible too. Just don't sleep next to them dead-drunk, and put a pregnancy pillow around them. It's fine.

There are unfortunately a lot of babies that die. Many of unknown causes, and of asphyxiation. (Depending on how you define a "lot").

The only true research that I know of is the one that says to have them sleep on their backs, not on their bellies.

> Also consider that the sudden infant death thing stems from the cold world of modern medicine.

The term does. The phenomenon is hardly new. Infants probably have died suddenly and without quick explanation ever since there were infants.

SIDS is less an actual disease, and more a convenient bucket to categorize "babies dying of asphyxiation for reasons we don't understand".

Some of those are becoming better understood (babies can't always tell if they're breathing CO2 rather than oxygen so it turns out they shouldn't sleep on their tummies) but mostly it's a fancy medical term for "we don't know". It's not even a mysterious disease and "no one knows what it's caused by"--we don't even know that a disease exists.

And what would the pediatrician say? No one knows what SIDS is caused by and deferring to external authority won't change that. Do whatever feels right for you.

No one knows what SIDS is caused by, but that certainly doesn't mean your pediatrician can't have any useful info on it.

There are many studies on what reduces the occurrence. For example, the "back to sleep" campaign saw SIDS incidence go down by 50% in just a few years. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Back_to_Sleep

True but that would usually be info you could just pick up from any book. The "ask your pediatrician" disclaimer just makes things seem dangerous that really aren't.

SIDS is 6x higher in families where one or both parents smoke. The lower incidence in the last years might just be because of less people smoking.

Anecdote: our midwife told us that we should put our son to sleep on his back. She also told us that in her working life, she'd first had to tell parents to put their kids to sleep on their belly, years later they were supposed to be safest on their side - there were even little foam triangles sold so the babies would stay put. Now it's on their back.

I'd still say go with what feels right and worry about things that are more important.

There is nothing here the doctor can add, really. I've got two little ones myself, and while they both have their own room, had we chosen this route I wouldn't be bothering to ask a doctor about it.

We've used all sorts of wearable baby things, and the most I can say is that they're all different. Every one of them will work for some parents and some babies. Long term, after 3 kids and 6 years of the things, the ones that we're using are a mayan style ring sling, an ergo, and a couple of fleece fitted slings that my wife made.

> Seriously consider having the baby sleep in your bed with you, especially if you/your spouse are breastfeeding.

It might be worth pointing out that your 'baby' will in all likelihood still be sleeping with you in 6 years.