Sorry, but I'm bisexual. I'm attracted to both sexes, and yet I can keep from kissing women or men. I can treat both as friends. I can have respect from both. I can ask either sex if they are interested in forming a non-business relationship and then go back to a business relationship if they say no.
I just don't see what the problem is. Don't expect to meet women in public places and men in private ones, for example. IF you won't go out with women after work, don't go with men. And so on.
And blammo, there’s your career-destroying sexual harassment accusation against you, in today’s climate.
Admittedly, asking a woman out is more risky for me since I'm female just as it would with a man asking a man out. That isn't due to sexual harassment, but homophobia.
All that said, though, most folks are reasonable to reasonable people who treat them with respect. That's where I'll set the standard for my own behavior and hope for the best.
Disclaimer: I have seen presumably reasonable people act irrationally in the workplace. I’m not anti-women; I have a daughter and want the best work environment for her when she grows up. I’m anti-witch hunt.
Sure, some seemingly reasonable folks act irrationally in the workplace. Not all are women just like not all are men. I understand being aware of it happening, but assuming everyone is or treating an entire class of people differently because they might be the crazy one winds up hurting folks and makes it harder to get over the stuff we already have problems with. Especially when there are other ways of dealing with some of the same things.
Just as you had a dependent, I have several of my own, and have to play it as safe as possible until I’m financially independent.
FWIW - I wouldn't normally say "can I kiss you", I'd normally say something like "Sooo, I'd like to kiss you now" (assuming we'd be chatting for a while). And they'd respond along the lines of "I'd like that too", or "No, but thank you".
There is also a secret to be had here – As a man dating women, seeking consent is a secret weapon. It may feel weird to do, but my experience is that women respond exceptionally well to it.
As an example, I think the gender balance of our social circles has changed over the last few years. I often find myself to be the only guy around the dinner table.
Get consent, treat women as the human beings they are and things will go pretty well.
PS. Also, asking is so much easier. Much less dancing around the subject.
EDIT: Should probably have been in reply to the the child comment.
I admit that I have rarely verbally asked, but I think I will do so the next time I have the opportunity to kiss someone outside of my long term relationship.
That said, I think you can ask nonverbally as well.
Some people act like the social dynamic where men are sexually agressive is solely the responsibility of men.
Most surveys I’ve seen suggest that the majority of women expect men to make the first move (always). This leads to an environment where men are to a degree trained to be sexually agressive.
This doesn’t excuse male behavior. But the road to a more balanced society likely requires changes on both sides.
Note, this depends on how I feel, as it's my wallet. Some people would never be okay with others taking money without asking. For me, at least, there's a small group of people I'd be okay with taking my money without asking.
Now, let us postulate that you think you are in that group with wallet access, but further postulate that you, in fact, are not. You think that I like you more than I actually like you. Even so, if you "confidently" grab money out of my wallet without asking, you are committing a crime, even if someone else performing the exact same action, someone I liked more, would not be committing a crime.
My point here is not to compare kisses to property, of course, but to point out that there are other places in criminal law where the perceptions of the victim and only the perceptions of the victim determine if it is a crime or not. In most of these cases, there's a strong default; by default, it's my wallet, and you can't take the money out without my say-so. By default, it's my body, and you can't touch it in a sexual way without my say so. Yes, you can make your assumptions as to your status, and if you are correct? that's cool. But you do so at your own risk. If you don't want to take that risk, you are free to ask.
If asking is enough to kill romance then it needs to die in that instance. Try again with someone else and if that someone else actually likes you they'll just think of you as considerate.
Tell us, how do you normally determine if she wants to have sex? Start dry humping her because you are embarrassed to ask?
How close are we "Please sign this contract to initiate physical contact"?
I'm not saying people should be able to kiss someone out of the blue, but if it feels like the other person is interested (for example if they reciprocated your flirting) then I don't see the issue with trying.
I did ask for a kiss more than once when I was socially inept; it killed the mood every time. Never again. The same people I asked came around later and I had meaningful relationships with them. So don't tell me "attitude like yours"
Edit: I should add that different people have different ways to see it, I get that. For example some women might like being asked if they want to split the bill, seeing it as a sign of respect, others might not like it at all. So one has to decide case by case.
'They are subtle to the point of near-invisibility. It seems Michael Oreskes liked to kiss women. Now, it is an embarrassing faux-pas to kiss a woman who does not wish to be kissed, but it happens all the time. Kissing a woman is an early stage of courtship. It is one way that men ask the question, “Would you like more?” Courtship is not a phenomenon so minor to our behavioral repertoire that we can readily expunge it from the workplace. It is central to human life. Men and women are attracted to each other; the human race could not perpetuate itself otherwise; and anyone who imagines they will cease to be attracted to each other—or act as if they were not—in the workplace, or any other place, is delusional. Anyone who imagines it is easy for a man to figure out whether a woman might like to be kissed is insane. The difficulty of ascertaining whether one’s passions are reciprocated is the theme of 90 percent of human literature and every romantic comedy or pop song ever written. '
We cannot eliminate and sterilise male-female relationships or pretend they are not different from male-male.