Trust me. If she was just bills to me - I would have stopped paying a long time ago. We shared a deep deep connection. Why do you think I got married so young?
Do you think she'd be willing to go to couple's therapy? It's very expensive but it can be worth it.
If you're ever looking for someone to just listen, let me know.
I have been trying to get her into couples counseling or even just individual counseling for over a year. She just never makes it happen. I started counseling individually 2 months ago. She came to 1 session, I booked her a follow up, but she cancelled it. She has theoretically agreed to couple counseling in the past, but now couldn’t be bothered.
She thinks her IG friends are her counselors, starting the echo chamber cycle.
I made a few different calls this morning and setup an appointment with a lawyer later this week to sit down and get everything better sorted.
I started talking to a couple of my friends more about it and they have been surprisingly supportive of me, calling me, etc. Not feeling as alone as when I wake up at 3am and realize I'm all alone, which I'm not used to, but at least I know I'm sadly not alone in that boat and can relate to others.
Thanks again for reaching out. I'll shoot you an email.
Just try to remember, it's temporary.
I know you're hurting. I've felt it. Sometimes it feels like the end of the world. But nothing happy will come from vilifying her or blaming her. She might feel like she had to look out for herself. It's the only life she'll ever get.
If she's truly polyamorous, then that means there is space for you too, you know. You just have to attract her.
But you should ask yourself if you really want that. She's a different person than the idea of her you're clinging to. Do you love her? Or are you afraid of being alone?
If you love her, and you want to pursue it, realize you might still lose her. But one chance is to wait for her to finish exploring whatever she wants to explore, and then see if she comes back. Keep in touch and try to talk about something real, something deep. Without arguing. Let her have a voice.
It's not enough to pay someone's bills. They're a person. And one step towards a healthy relationship is to shed the "if I do X for you, then you do Y for me" mindset. It's poisonous, at least in my own life. Maybe it's different for other people.
Best of luck. If you want to chat, shoot me an email.