As a man, I am offended by this stereotype.
It takes no more effort to not make sexual advances in an inappropriate context (even when there is an attractive woman around) than it does to not assault and rob vulnerable passers-by on the street.
Which, I suppose I now must add for clarity, also does not take any effort worthy of the name.
Thus because we are conditioned to sometimes be indecent, it does in some circumstances require effort to override it.
There's a time and place for everything. "going for it" every time you meet a woman is just immature and needs to be corrected.
> I think men will always have to fight the urge to not "go for it" with women they find attractive.
For you, maybe. Not for me, and not for a lot of men. Please don't typical-mind-fallacy the rest of us who don't need to expend effort to not be a douchebag.
That said, your premise is invalid. Biological prerogatives are not significant in the not-even-slightly-sexually-premised interactions between members of the 21st century tech community with career motivations and numerous other factors at work that evolution did not prepare them for. Saying that "biological prerogatives" are a significant factor here is like saying that a lemur let loose in a supermarket would be drawn to product branding based on how likely a given brand was to help the lemur secure a mate--too many factors have changed for simple parallels to be drawn.
Edit: spelling, I still keep forgetting this isn't markdown.
I guess we are in tech so we should be able to suppress all the impulses, desires, and feelings that have been carved into us over hundreds of thousands of years of evolution.Some people--a lot of people--just don't have those thoughts. That doesn't make them better or worse than people who do; both can do good, or harmful things. I think the point of GP's comment was that there are many of people out there who simply don't feel that way.
There are a lot of ways that might play out: they might not be attracted to others until someone is attracted to them; they might be attracted, but have no automatic desire to turn that into action/hitting on people; they might not be attracted to others period, et cetera.
> The urge to hit on a woman you find attractive ... makes [you] a straight/bi male
You're still assuming the two go hand in hand. Your impressions might be confirmation/selection bias: people who don't have the urge to hit on people they find attractive are going to be less obvious to you (insofar as they are competition for people you find attractive), and are also likely less inclined to jump into public discussions on the subject, given that a lack of sexual aggression is, in many demographics/situations, a basis for shaming.
Edit: punctuation.
No, I'm listening to women. I'm watching the cat call videos. There are lots of guys out there that have these thoughts. What percentage they are? I don't know and don't really care because it doesn't matter. They exist. Period. Saying as much doesn't harm anyone. Not saying so does.
My original message stands; if you feel like being an asshole to a woman, resist it - be decent.
I have lots of lurid thoughts. I also have enough respect and self control to not blurt them out. I've managed to interact with many women without overtly showing that I find them sexually appealing. Remarkable in this age of entitlement, isn't it?
I have higher than average testosterone levels, always have, and I'm 48 now. And I wouldn't do something this stupid - it is all about context. And understanding how women operate (duh).
If someone messaged me asking for tech related advice, I'd freely give it and not try to do something out of the psychosocial boundary lines. If the interaction develops, then you and her are starting a relationship (generic use of the word). Time goes on, you meet at some conference etc... then you can appropriately gauge what your chances are and possibly will have more of a chance b/c 1) you have shown you're not an idiot and 2) women control the personal sphere of life - they grok relationships better. Play by their rules (ish, sort of) and things go much better.
Dumbasses don't understand the dance that goes on. This guy's behavior is exactly equivalent to asking every woman at a bar if they want to fuck. The ones who say yes are the ones more likely to have daddy issues etc and no one in their right mind deliberately goes down that road except for douchebags
Not cool dude :D
If you want to indulge in more, that's sad, but don't project that desire onto anyone else.
Here's the thing: this is called projection. You're speaking for yourself, not men in general.
Wow. That's blatant sexist bigotry.
Can you imagine if someone said the same thing about women and what the reaction on HN would be?
I think men will always have to fight the urge to not "go for it" with women they find attractive. In a way, we're kinda hard-wired to do that. That doesn't mean that we can't or shouldn't fight the urge and be decent to women - especially now that women everywhere are speaking up and letting us know how this kind of behavior makes them feel.
Addendum:
The first reactions to my post are pretty negative. I can see why (over-generalization) but on-balance I don't feel like my post is negative. The core message is - be decent. If the volume of women's complaints are a measure, I'd venture to say there are a lot of men out there that struggle to do so. If you're not one of those guys- awesome . But a lot of dudes are and the first step to getting them to treat women well is to vocalize the expectation that they do so and maybe while we're at it, not trying to shame them into decency by pointing out how awesome you are and, by contrast, what horrible human beings they are for having unacceptable feelings.