dhubris

Finally getting the courage in my mid-thirties to get therapy for the sexual abuse I experienced in my early teens. Wish I'd done it sooner.

In my early fifties now and pretty sure I'd be dead by now if I hadn't.

Here is a little meditation I wrote a while ago on my depression and my medication that still rings true for me.

https://dhubris.livejournal.com/14447.html

I don't know about your part of the world, but in Australia you may find a good GP (doctor who is a general practitioner) who can handle the medication process with you, or see a psychiatrist who usually has more expertise in this area.

Either way it can be a bit of a trial and error process until you find what works for you (which may be different than what works for me or others). Usually four to six weeks before medication reaches full effectiveness. If the medical professional writes you out a prescription without organising a follow up to see how well it is working, tear up the script and find another doc. Don't stop a medication cold turkey. Ramp down dosage under medical guidance.

Good luck!

From past experience, about four months after I've tapered off anti-depressants I'll want to die. It'll take about a year to recover once I'm back on them.

But that's me. What works for me may not work for you. Unfortunately, a lot of it is trail and error, along with a lot of hard work, to figure out what is the best treatment for each individual. It sucks that this is the case.

At I wrote once upon a time[1]: "There is no silver bullet. Pragmatism trumps opinion. If, and I stress, if what you are doing is working for you, then I wish you good fortune, and would never tell you you're doing it the wrong way."

[1] https://dhubris.livejournal.com/14447.html

Have you considered that you may fall into the ASD range of Asperger? I mention this because what you described ticks a couple of the common traits. Understanding yourself better can help with your goals. Best of luck.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

> He keeps saying over and over how he could never tell anyone because it would get out. But that’s his false axiom. Talking would’ve been the only way to find release.

There are huge elements of shame at work here. No, it is not logical to feel shame over being abused as a child. Nonetheless, it becomes one of your most closely guarded secrets because you are ashamed.

It can take years to get to a point of being able to talk about it and be able to process it, assuming you can find the safe space to do so.

Getting therapy. Reckon I could have saved myself ten or fifteen years of suffering.

> How saintly of you to never have such a lurid thought.

I have lots of lurid thoughts. I also have enough respect and self control to not blurt them out. I've managed to interact with many women without overtly showing that I find them sexually appealing. Remarkable in this age of entitlement, isn't it?

Good sleep hygiene definitely contributes to better mental health. Not bi-polar, but struggle with depression. After my last crash a few years ago, I was left curled up on the floor just saying I wanted to die. It took me about a year to recover from that, and during most of that year I usually slept at least 10 hours a night. It was definitely part of my recovery.

These days I'm usually between 7.5 to 8.5 hours. Having had a history of insomnia I try and get on top of any sleeplessness issues pretty quickly. Usually just taking melatonin for a week if I have a couple of nights in a row with difficulty getting to sleep will fix it for me.

Also, if you suspect you might suffer from sleep apnoea then get it checked out. The quality as well as quantity of your sleep is important.

I similarly have a strong startle reflex. I hate open office spaces, and particularly office spaces where my desk has me without my back to a wall.

People moving around behind me is very stressful and distracting.

Similarly I'll never walk up behind someone and tap them on the shoulder if I can help it. I always try and come up beside them, in their eye-line and wave or say hi to get their attention.

Medication is only one tool, and often needs to be used in combination with other tools, but people are always looking for the quick fix. Dealing with some of this shit can take hard work over time. Here is a small look at my experiences dealing with depression, PTSD and medication:

http://dhubris.livejournal.com/14447.html

As I said, it works for me, but may not work for you. The study of the brain and how it works physically, electrically, chemically, consciously and emotionally, and all the complex interactions within that is in its infancy in a lot of ways. So yes, if you think there is a lot of stumbling around trying to figure out what works and what doesn't, you're right. Isn't that how most science starts?