I want to clarify that this is utter bullshit, and that I don't actually do this. Well, most of this. I have easier ways of working from home. Like, I put an event on my boss's calendar that says I'm working from home.
And I hate umbrellas. I fucking hate them. If you live in New York City and you use an umbrella, I want you to go home and die right now.
You have no idea of the space that you are taking up with those things. You have no respect for your fellow humans. I hate you. And I don't want to live in this world with you.
Get a little wet. Don't stab me in the eyeball with your stupid, incompetent umbrella that you aren't paying attention to.
I have a little note next to my door that says: don't take the umbrella--It's a jackass thing to do.
Guess what happens. I never take the umbrella. The tomatoes thing was a joke, for those of you who missed it.
There has to be, it's one of the few constants of the internet.
That said: you merely have to experience umbrellas in a high-density environment a couple times before those opinions are the only rational response. Umbrellas are hostile to everyone within reach. (corollary: whenever that number remains at zero, they're perfectly fine)
It's definitely the people.
Walk around Brooklyn on a rainy day. You'll be on my side before you know it.
I am 6'5" tall (1.95m) and the number of little old ladies who think nothing of waving their sharp metal umbrella spokes at my eyes and face is untrue.
[1] www.nubrella.com
Regarding the umbrella, if I forgot it then I would be pleased with my brain for filtering that useless requirement out.
I used an umbrella on my way to work last week. I forgot to bring it home. I was sad because it was raining the next day, too. I was not pleased with my brain for filtering out that arguably useful requirement.
But why not wait until before going to bed, and then put it by the door since it's probably dry by that point?
Because I forget to do that.
Why not do something so you can remember to put it out at night?
Well, I tried this trick I heard about a can of tomatoes...
That's always been a classic.
The first couple of times I tried it, it didn't work very well. I was trying to leave in the morning, and I tripped over the can, and I was all, "Who the fuck put a can of tomatoes in front of the door?" And I kicked it out of the way and left without my umbrella.
Then I realized I wasn't going deep enough. You have to open the can of tomatoes and put the open top on the floor. You have to do it fast or it spills.
The next morning, I tripped over the can and knocked it over. And now there was slippery tomatoes all over my floor in front of my door. So of course I slipped in it and fell down, hurting my elbow and head more than I wanted to at that time of the morning.
So at this point, I decided that I could just work from home. After I cleaned up the upside down tomatoes.
The moral of the story is that, no, I didn't remember the umbrella at all. But! I no longer needed it.