You can grok the basics of the game in an hour or so by following a beginner tutorial. During your first few hours you will fail your first few fortresses.

After your first session, you should have a grasp of things and the next time you should be able to just pick up the game and get back to it.

I think the time suck aspect of this game is exaggerated a lot. You can pause and save the game at any point and get back to it later.

There's one thing that some of the tutorials and introductions don't make clear: you control the fortress, not the individual dwarfs.

No. Your assertion is that the only likely improvement to the UI would be a simple gamepad-mashing interface. DF is difficult even compared to programs with a complicated UI and games with a "normal" steep learning curve. Not wanting to battle through an insane UI does not equate one to a "soda guzzling teen".

And nowhere was is implied that not wanting to battle through an insane UI does not equate one to a "soda guzzling teen".

You can also manipulate world-gen so you have an easier time of it (making the game essentially Harvest Moon with occasional killer fish), but where's the fun in that?

It takes some getting into, but once you're in, you're in.