This is a tricky issue to sort out because opinions and desires aren't set in stone. I've known more than a few friends who have had relationships deteriorate because initially they were on the same page but one party ended up changing their minds.

As with all relationships whether they be personal or professional the most important part of the relationship is to maintain open lines of communication with the other party.

This is where I'm at now.

My wife and I were married when I was 25 and she was 23. I just turned 30, and while back then I was all about having children, I'd like to put it off as I still have a lot of places to visit, things to do, etc.

She, on the other hand, is ready to have children. Now. Since she's 28, she has a plan to have X kids, spaced X years apart.

The next 6-12 months of our relationship will be interesting.

Can't you visit those places together with your kids?

I was 38 when we had our son and I already regret being so old. There is the worry of staying fit and healthy as long as possible to be there for him. Also, his grandparents enjoy him very much. Should my son wait as long as I did to have children, I would already be 76 - so probably much less joy with grandchildren. And lots more issues like that.

If you have a kid, being fit and healthy suddenly becomes so much more important. Sure, I wanted to live before I had a kid, too. But the reality is that dieing would bother me much more now than before having a kid (yes I know it wouldn't bother me anymore once I'm dead...).

Also, pregnancy becomes more difficult and risky for older women. And if you have a kid and decide you actually like it, might be nice to have some spare years to create more. Just saying...

Antartica. Working for the DPW (Dept of Public Works) at Burning Man one year. Zero-gravity flights. Wing-suit skydiving. Living in Amsterdam for a year.

This is just a short chunk of things copied from my bucket list. Kids don't mix well with the above activities.

Actually most don't seem so bad. Burning Man sounds like a normal job - other people with kids have jobs, too? Zero-gravity flights only take a couple of minutes, maybe a day if you include the trip to the airport. It is actually possible to take a day off even if you have kids (assuming a supportive spouse, or, if you are alone, a suitable babysitter). Same for wing-suit skydiving, although admittedly it seems possible that you would be less keen to do that if you had kids.

Don't know about Amsterdam: they do have kids in Amsterdam, but perhaps you mean "a year living high on drugs surrounded by prostitutes"? No offense - just wondering why it would be incompatible with kids.

Antarctica: again, why not. Depends on what you want to do there. Also you can do some things when your kids are older.

Even taking a few months off doesn't seem impossible, with a supporting spouse. I think there are lots of parents who go away to remote locations for work (truck drivers and oil rig workers for example).

I would even say, living abroad for a while with your kids would be a bonus for them (granted they are not just 6 months old but a few years old).

They'll pick up a foreign language (even though Dutch is not the most important one) and see a different culture.

As promised, I'm back with an update!

After thinking long and hard about it, I agree with your premise. Kids should be compatible with the activities I still want to do in my lifetime. Thanks for the advice.

I have to drive for the next 2 hours, but I'm going to think about your comment quite a bit. I'll get back to you on this.

In an age of heavy social norms and pressure from peers to get married ASAP, the same could be said for topics like religion, financials, and less-importantly politics.

Not discussing these things early on are a recipe for disaster.

Where do you see pressure from peers to get married ASAP? Maybe its because I'm still in college, but almost everyone I've spoken to (in my age group) wants to wait until their late 20s, if not 30s to settle down and get married.

Is there ever a question in life that doesn't seem to start with,"depends"?