Re:Ask HN: Writing copy...please critique my homepage
by 27182818284 on Tuesday December 18, 2012 @05:41PM
(#4940040)
These proposed changes are significantly better than what is on the page right now. "All the cool kids are doing it.", for example, made me want to leave the page. It is very difficult to get that attitude right.
How are people supposed to get that from this?
"Land your dream apartment
Rentr is the world’s best tool to help you land your dream apartment."
That sounds like an apartment search app.
I think a lot of what you have written is good, it's just that what's front and center is the least helpful copy on the page.
This, to me, would be much more useful as the first thing I read on the page:
"Create a Rentr profile [and] stop filling out multiple applications.
It only takes 7 minutes and includes a full credit report, background check, social media links, and tons of other goodies."
The testimonials are made up, aren't they? If the rest of the site isn't live, how can you have thousands of applicants and landlords involved? If they are made up, get rid of them. Success or failure in a business like this hinges entirely on trust.