Uh, yeah. I've been a man my entire life and I've never ever had a problem with wanting to let my sexual urges cause harm to others. I have a very high libido even. Not once has this been a problem.

The fuck is this about?

I think this is where the "may" applies.

Ask a divorce lawyer that question.

If you actually did that you'd know most domestic violence is from women towards men.

But it doesn't transcend as men are usually way stronger and just brush it off.

Hint: It's so prevalent it's even considered "funny".

Nope, that's not true.

If you mean, by reporting statistics, you’re probably right. But men in general are widely used to physical abuse and are expected to take it. Granted, it is rarely significantly harmful and women use it as a way to reassure themselves that men are “in charge “ or whatever, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is vile behavior.

Men’s behavior is as much shaped by female expectations as the behavior of women is molded by men.

Like it or not, we’re in this together, and cooperation with mutual understanding and benefit is the only way forward. We can see what happens when this breaks down, as in sharia law. How do you think this ends if we ceaselessly demonize men? Shame has its limits, and they start where the violence begins.

Your assertion, which feels "right" to you, is by your own admission unprovable with available reporting facts.

Give up that assertion. Violence in relationships can go both ways. Neither sex gets to "win" here.

Of -reported- incedents, 1 in 4 women report having been the victim of significant physical harm by an intimate partner, as do 1 in 7 men. Now if you consider the comparative likelihood of severe physical harm in M vs F and F vs M, and factor in the likelihood of reporting for women vs men, I think you can see that the rate is not at all what it seems at first glance.

(FWIW, despite the relative -frequency- of incidents , I do agree that the danger is greater to women just on the basis of the likelihood of harm in a MvF conflict.)

Reported incidence of psychological/emotional abuse are almost exactly at parity, with just under half of both sexes reporting abuse in their lifetime. Physical abuse prevalence in lesbian relationships is also much higher than either heterosexual or male-male relationships.

From this I would estimate that the willingness to act out in violence against a domestic partner is something close to evenly distributed among the sexes.

Collection of definitive data about subjects such as this is notoriously difficult, but reading between the lines both here and in violence among youth (m-m, f-f, m/f) seems to indicate that the predilection, if not the severity, of violence is relatively evenly distributed among.

That was my first reaction as well. Maybe if we include letting others harm themselves or others by choosing poorly it makes more sense, but then it’s patronising to the opposite sex, like their agency is invalid.

OTOH I can remember being a 16 year old sex crazed sociopath, maybe adolescence is what op refers to? I definitely participated is some extremely questionable decisions at that age, and sometimes I wonder if others were significantly affected by my ignorance and selfishness. Probably not, as they were also sex crazed sociopaths at the time, but still. Such a cringefest.

Being ashamed of your past actions is how you know you are growing.

Same.

Leaving aside the "If you're a man ..." condescending crap, that "cause harm to others" bit reveals a lot about the author.

Sorry pal, you're alone on that hill.

Women also cause enormous turmoil and suffering through their indiscretions and poor choices. Men are hardly alone on that journey.

I'm not sure. You've masterbated to porn (an industry with rampant abuse towards women), right? You're on the hill.

Fallacy of composition: Not every member of a set is guaranteed to share all attributes with the "bad apples" in the set. Not even if there are a lot of bad apples.

This bullshit is why #NotAllMen is a farcical trope among feminists.

Can ya'll please grow slightly thicker skin?

It doesn't take much effort to give the author benefit of doubt, especially when he already qualified his claim with "If you're a man, one of your hardest battles may be..."

> Sorry pal, you're alone on that hill.

No, he's absolutely not.

Sadly, rape and cheating on partners is far too rampant in the world, in my experience. But I never see any one talking about it – only the news articles and Facebook posts after the fact.

I believe that far too many men are messed up and have desires of sexual harm and struggle to contain these desires – way more men than people think. I was attempting to call it out, but I may have done so clumsily, writing it as if every man struggles with it, or that it's a struggle I've had (when I haven't).

It is poorly worded, but might make sense if interpreted to be about cheating and not sexual assault.

You're right, poorly worded. My initial draft of it had nuance that I think was lost when I condensed this entry down. But it was meant to largely cover cheating, as well as sexual assault, and any sexual acts that harm others.

My original draft from Obsidian:

"The smartest, most talented and otherwise kind men throughout history – who have overcome hurdles beyond imagining to save lives, get rich and get us the moon – still totally failed when it came to not giving in to their sexual desires. They cheated on the partners they love. Some even groped and raped.

It’s not discussed enough, but many mens hardest battle is simply not giving into sexual appetites that cause harm – cheating, sexual assault, or any other form of harm (you could argue simply buying and consuming porn is immoral). These acts can spread misery through multiple generations. And yet many men do it. If you happen to have these urges (and it's not all men), you must not give in to them. [[2026-01-06]]"

I definitely interpreted this one as meaning emotional harm.

I won't say most, but it's clear a lot of men are tempted by the flesh and have to actively choose not to cheat on their partner. This is a trope throughout cultures and histories for a reason. Some are lucky enough to find monogamy trivial and natural, but a lot of people are practicing self control.