After my dad died, we found the love letters

Re:After my dad died, we found the love letters by Drupon on Sunday November 23, 2025 @03:22PM (#46026988)

>because you see, my dad was a coward. mom had started asking for divorces by the time i was in my teens, and dad was the one who always said no. he would complain to her mother, a traditionalist, to ensure that she would berate her daughter back into line. his family and his culture had no place for him, so he used her as a shield to make sure that he would be spared the scrutiny.

What exactly do you call that? NoT ThE SAmE ThInG As "AbuSE"?

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Re:After my dad died, we found the love letters by dpark on Sunday November 23, 2025 @03:46PM (#46027170)

No. Being selfish is not the same thing as abuse.

People do selfish stuff all the time. It’s not abuse even if it’s shitty behavior. Abuse means more than that.

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Re:After my dad died, we found the love letters by Drupon on Sunday November 23, 2025 @04:50PM (#46027695)

Calling up your wife's parents and telling them to scold her for wanting to divorce you IS ABUSE.

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Re:After my dad died, we found the love letters by lazide on Sunday November 23, 2025 @07:18PM (#46028825)

In Asian cultures this is pretty mellow.

It would be far worse if you let her divorce you, typically. Divorced women in East Asian cultures (well, Asian generally) are not treated well.

Not everyone works the same way.

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Re:After my dad died, we found the love letters by anon84873628 on Monday November 24, 2025 @02:12PM (#46037907)

So it was his responsibility to force her into the path that he believed was best for her?

That is a very toxic thing that people do in relationships all the time. It is used as a rationalization for prioritizing one's own desires.

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Re:After my dad died, we found the love letters by lazide on Monday November 24, 2025 @02:40PM (#46038304)

Both of their parents certainly had that view, as does the wider society.

If you think that is very toxic, that is the tip of the iceberg.

To really put icing on the cake, they do it because they have plenty of examples of how badly people screw up their lives if someone isn’t doing that for them.

looks around at the opioid crisis in the west right now. Not that we would have anything like that going on.

There is no perfect, just different trade offs. And everyone usually cringes at the trade offs everyone else makes.

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