>As someone who’s monogamous, I was nervous when I began dating someone who was non-monogamous
He'll get laughs for years about the thirsty Asian drawing diagrams in their Kickoff meeting to convince herself this was a trendy new dating experiment she was overseeing and not just telling herself whatever she needs to to join his rotation.
This person has absolutely no place offering dating advice.
I’ve felt the big asymmetry in trying to find women to date online as a man, but after you start talking to someone enough to discuss what you want in a relationship, if they’re not excited about the stuff you’re excited about why bother?
Asking for transparency I understand, but asking for empathy I don't understand. Empathy is a personality trait. Asking a person for more empathy will not make them more empathic, so what is the point of asking them? It's unreasonable and offensive.
> I’ve felt the big asymmetry in trying to find women to date online as a man, but after you start talking to someone enough to discuss what you want in a relationship, if they’re not excited about the stuff you’re excited about why bother?
If the "stuff you're excited about" is an Agile Menifesto intended to change your partner and/or their behavior, then it shouldn't come as a surprise if they're not excited about it (asking someone to change their behavior is of course more acceptable than asking to change their personality, but I wouldn't expect anyone to get excited about either of those things).
> generally the spirit of the ideas here make good sense to me and don’t seem wacky to do if you’re a he, she, or they.
Many ideas might sound good on paper. If you actually tried this (as a man who is not in the top 5% of men or whatever), you would quickly find out that all women will simply stop dating you when you start making these questions. The very first diagram that you draw in your kick-off meeting will be the point where they decide they will dump you. Each and every one of them.
Maybe you and I are living in different cultural contexts? I lived in SF and hang out mostly with tech professional flavored people. I think the reaction of anyone I’ve dated in the last 10 years would fall somewhere between “amused and reluctantly playing along” to “enthusiastic/excited”. I’ve never really thought about my Percentile Of Men but I feel pretty mid except for my humor / personality possibly. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
> Empathy is a personality trait
Empathy is a behavior/skill and so it can be practiced!
It’s the premium on the ability to host and grow a baby inside their body for 9 months. the premium disappears past reproductive age.
It’s also the premium on nvidia hardware, the ability to train a transformer for 9 months inside there body.
Just imagine if a man tried to do what this woman is doing. Just imagine being a man and asking a woman you're dating to "approach our relationship as an experiment" that runs in 2 week "sprints" where you require your partner to "commit to radical transparency and empathy" and "commit to continuous improvement" to find out every 2 weeks if you dump them.
I guess being a woman means you can "co-create" your own rules for dating and men will just line up to compete each other for your favor. No matter how many obstacles you throw in your own way, you can still find happiness, because the world will bend over backwards to accommodate your every whim. Must be nice.