While you are joking, COM was born out of the UNIX way, more precisely Distributed Computing Environment.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Distributed_Computing_Environm...
Then we had that great experience called Taligent
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taligent
And naturally CORBA,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_Object_Request_Broker_A...
NeXTSTEP's Portable Distributed Objects
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portable_Distributed_Objects
Which inspired Sun's Distributed Objects Everywhere written in Objective-C, followed by its reboot in Java as Enterprise JavaBeans.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Distributed_Objects_Everywhere
COM (dbus) + Registry & services (systemd)