I'm the exact opposite of a Apple fanboy, but can you enlighten me with what they are supposed to do here?

EU says "you must allow XYZ in our jurisdiction" so Apple allows XYZ in their jurisdiction.

Right?

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Tbh, this just seems like unintended consequences of policy. But explain what I'm missing.

Does one cease to be an EU resident or citizen if traveling abroad for more than 30 days?

I'm not sure what criteria Apple should be using to adhere to the EU-specific policy

Very simple. Phones bought in the EU should adhere to their laws.

No because that would cause world wide people to buy EU phones just for the third-party stores even if they live in other countries.

the law that apply to a phone is the law of the country you are at the moment.

Third-party store are there because an EU law that only apply to EU territories.

If you are out of the EU the law does not apply and Apple is not required to give you access to third-party stores.

The alternate is this distopia where a megacorp decides how long you get an alternative, possibly only until the moment you step outside the zone. Or even the moment you turn on a VPN.

no.. but EU laws only apply to EU territories.

the second you step out of EU, EU laws stop applying to you and the laws from whatever country you are in the moment start applying.

The EU law here applies to Apple, not to you. Apple remains in the EU for as long as they have entities in the EU or operate in the EU. Thus Apple must follow EU law for as long as they have not exited the EU market completely.

And apple does follow the law..

Apple devices that are within the EU laws jurisdiction does have access to third-party stores..

apple devices that moved to another jurisdiction are no longer subject to EU laws and therefore no longer have access to third-party stores.

The big question i have is if i with my non-EU iPhone will have access to third-party stores as soon as i step into EU, even if i do not live in EU and i am not a EU citizen.

If the point of sale charging my card is located in the EU, even though I've been 2 months in Thailand, they're going to have issues guaranteed...