I am a counter example. I liked about 1 in 20 chats. It took 300 matches. I took 100 hours to optimize my profile. I went from 5 matches per month to 150 matches per month. It took a long time to get good pictures that women found attractive. I went through 100s of different pictures and gathered a lot of feedback (there are websites).
The problem isn’t me since I am now in an amazing relationship. It’s okay to be a bit picky, as long as you put in a lot of effort yourself.
I agree with the rest.
"Just to look and feel like this, it took a long time"
I probably expressed that poorly. “Problem” was the wrong word! It’s probably better to say you’re not finding what you want… but do you know what that is?
What exactly does that mean? There's services that "rate your profile"?
What do those "good pictures" look like then?
Only 5 pictures made it past the 8 out of 10. I used photofeeler.com
I don't understand this. At what stage does anyone else see your profile? Can they see it while you're paused?
Be strategic. Everything happens during that one week subscription.
Once you match, pause and go figure out if they are a good person for you, if you don’t, pause anyway and wait a bit. Checking tinder shouldn’t be like checking email. Do it deliberately.
Your comment about the "No" is probably the hardest of the obvious advice to follow. Casting a wide net just distracts from what you really want - it's hoping for something.
You said it man. And so are most people on it. Used to be a term for that sort of thing.
> If you have spoken to more than a half dozen people and everyone is awful, the problem is you. Figure out what you want, rinse, repeat.
Or you know, you're using Tinder in earnest and it is the McDonalds-of-humans.
Try to remember how people used to be before this app and instagram and the Kardashians. My healthy hell no is to simply not take people who participate in this culture seriously in the first place.
There are still physically attractive women out there who read a good book occasionally and don't have any of this shit installed. Hard to find but they exist.
All things being equal pretty obvious whom you would pick.
I use Tinder occasionally just like I eat McDonalds or a Doner Kebab - it isn't real food fit for human consumption. Only if you are drunk or as an absolute last resort.
Or you live in area, where everybody is indeed awful. I am in a happy 15 year relationship, but before that I lived in a remote shithole and yeah, I was the issue, because I didn't share a local culture with a niveau so low that hurts my brain when I even think about it. It is totally possible that the type of person you are into wouldn't touch online dating with a ten foot pole. And that case you would only find those who are not your type and you are better off just going to places where you might meet them (e.g. gallery openings, etc.)
But yeah, if that isn't the case and the fault is constantly with others some introspection might be in order, e.g. some people tend to sabotage themselves. They are afraid to get hurt, so instead of trting and potentially failing they make up some reason why it is not a fit.
Pay for “gold” for one week, go incognito and swipe selectively. Then go dark (aka pause the account) for a few weeks. I yield probably 1 in 5 match. I’m a mid 40s decent looking guy with a few headshots. Did it a couple of rounds and met someone awesome.
They prioritize new upgraders for exposure, but it wears off quickly to make you buy boosts.
Key tips:
- Avoid profiles that are too good, especially pictures. Nothing worse than professional daters.
- Look for undervalued assets! Sometimes modest or poorly shot pictures don’t jump out.
- Pretend you’re speaking to a crowd with your profile. Keep it light and vague. The goal is a connection, so adding filter material only hurts you.
- Keep the pictures of you and simple. No groups, kids, fish, flexing a Porsche that isn’t yours, etc. Don’t try to tell a pictorial story, few will get it.
- On the flip avoid people dumping details. You won’t beat a checklist.
- Have a healthy hell no. It doesn’t matter how hot she is. In jail, substance abuse, things that are issues for you are issues. If you can’t deal with single parents, etc. Swipe left.
- If you’re not into or curious about ENM, kink, etc, and thats in the profile, swipe left.
Dating sites are like smoking. They’ll lure you into the little dopamine hits of swiping. The way to win that game is not to play. You want 1-2 matches while wasting as little time as possible.
If you have spoken to more than a half dozen people and everyone is awful, the problem is you. Figure out what you want, rinse, repeat.