How much Difficult to give and get honest feedback from people you know

Re:How much Difficult to give and get honest feedback from p... by maxrf on Friday December 29, 2023 @06:59PM (#38811628)

I'm old enough to be able to say confidently that there were plenty of de-socialised people before 'technology'. I'm with the OP that is a 'social', ie: human nature, issue - those 3 things - but also a skill - especially in a work environment where you don't know your colleagues as well (points 1 & 2) and you don't necessarily have 'psychological safety' (point 3).

As a counter example, I've recently been following the 'rise if cardboard', specifically the evolution of magic: the gathering, because some young friends offered to teach me the 'commander' variant - it's basically managed conflict in a social setting - I have to acknowledge, they're more skilled than me - I'm learning more than just the gameplay.

There's a nice article 'power struggles among nice people' that's relevant too - because of the automatic effect this has on our language (cue Steven Pinker). I'm with the group that thinks we have large brains to navigate complex social environments - ie: this stuff - because it's hard.

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Re:How much Difficult to give and get honest feedback from p... by nonrandomstring on Saturday December 30, 2023 @04:55AM (#38813999)

Great point about skills. You're absolutely right we can learn and hone these. Your experience of playing MTG with the kids, and discovering their powers sounds positive. Not quite the same level of sophistication but I played "Selfish" with 8-10 year olds and it boosted my feelings about what is "innate" human nature. I think we have to learn to be mean and nasty, and to prefer tit-for-tat over forgiveness.

As for people having always been de-socialised, yes I am sure it's always been so for some, but something has changed. I'm also old enough to have traced it. What's changed imho is acceptability. It's great that we're a more tolerant society etc. But we used to value good manners, Today I think we see them as a weakness and treat assholes as if their behaviour was quite acceptable but "unfortunate". I think digital technology has played a large part in that.

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Re:How much Difficult to give and get honest feedback from p... by maxrf on Saturday December 30, 2023 @06:02PM (#38820156)

Thanks, and agree it can feel 'mean and nasty' to disagree online - and that in-person politeness would help - yes, people will post things they wouldn't say.

PG has a take on why HN is more civil tl;dr 'it's behaviour not people' - in: 'dilution' at paulgraham dot com hackernews html

Thanks for the reply - appreciated.

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