Having children changes you right quick. It's not just that you have to change therefore you do. No, it's that it just changes you. A 20 year old dad can be much more mature than a 40 year old bachelor, but there's no reason to think that the 20 year old dad will have less fun than the 40 year old bachelor.

There are tangos (and I'm sure country western, and other songs) that are all about the protagonist having had all these ladies as a young man, but never a woman, or how they left behind the one woman who was their soul mate just to get laid with lots of others. E.g., Ansiedad, by Juan D'Arienzo:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoHGmN9GTPM https://www.musixmatch.com/es/letras/Juan-D-Arienzo/Ansiedad...

Here's Nick Freitas talking about getting married at 19: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/u_q8-UNk4TU

.....and there are plenty of stories of people who got married way too early before they learned who they are and were miserable and got divorced. There are plenty of kids with horror stories of growing up in those loveless households.

Right.

But if you’re mature enough to debate the pros and cons of having children, you hopefully won’t be a bad parent if you do choose have kids.

When a couple of 20 year olds decides to have children, they're almost certainly not mature enough, but it can and should work out.

Why are they most certainly not mature enough. Having children in the 20s or has been the standard for essentially all of human history until the last 30 years, give or take. What is it about modern society that makes human beings less fit for parenthood than every previous generation?

Yes, I'm aware. It's taking a chance. Now if the two kids (for, if they are 19, 20, 21, 22, ... they are kids) have had a good education from their parents and relatives and friends, and hopefully also if those people are around and willing to help them, then they should be able to work through difficulties.

Why before 40? Do the kids turn into gremlins if I'm older?

There are many well-known challenges to conceiving and having a successful pregnancy if the man and especially the woman are near/over than 40.

Really there's often difficulty past 30.

Your 20s are the prime years for reproduction, biologically.

> My advice would be: if even a small part of you thinks you want children, just do it.

Uhh this sounds like terrible advice--kids aren't cars that can be returned or sold if it turns out the "small part" was incorrect.

If this is your view of having children, I would suggest you wait.

They are not a pet or a piece of personal property. Caring for a child is the biggest responsibility of your life. If you’re unable to grow to accept that, then it may be best to wait.

If this is your view of having children, I would suggest you wait.

They are not a pet or a piece of personal property. Caring for a child is the biggest responsibility of your life and it will likely not go according to plan. If you’re unable to grow to meet the demands, then it may be best to wait.

Caring for a pet should be for the pet's life as well, and it offends my moral sensibilities to put pets in a category alongside personal property.

I think you misunderstand me though--and I'm not sure how, to be frank, I think what I was saying was pretty clear from the context:

Precisely because it's such a huge responsibility, etc., the person to whom I was replying was giving bad advice. They were (basically) suggesting having a kid even if one is unsure about whether one wants to.

edit: oh you're the poster to whom I was replying. Above, you said:

> My advice would be: if even a small part of you thinks you want children, just do it. You will grow to take on the new responsibility.

Now you're turning around and saying "oh no, it's a grave responsibility that shouldn't be taken lightly, don't do it if you're not ready".