I’m not sad or upset about it. It’s a fact of life. It’s always been like this for me. I have plenty of other stuff going on in my life and I have friends and I’m ok. I just have always wondered what it was about some guys that was so magically attractive? From the outside, it looks like it’s the guys who tick the boxes of being very, should I say, normal. The ones who hew closely to whatever popular culture says a real man should act like and dress like.
In all honesty I was a bit lonely in my 20s. I had very bad anxiety through college and didn't forge as many strong friendships in college as might be normal. Maybe it was a touch of desperation but I just went to NYC bars and shows and talked to people.
Maybe 90% of what a woman is trying to establish is that you're not a creep or an asshat and I was pretty good at passing that test. I would not like to have to run that gauntlet today.
Of course I miss being in my 20s and 30s and the women I spent time with naked. Sometimes that nostalgia is very strong, believe me.
But I also remember that none of those experiences were fulfilling. It blows my mind to recall periods of my life when I had numerous numbers I could dial that would land me in bed - but at the time I was nonplussed and unsatisfied by it all.
By the time I was 38 I was looking for a partner, and when I met my wife all of my dating criteria went out the window. The whole game had changed.
I have thoughts on whether monogamistic fundamentalism is good for marriage, but that’s a whole other discussion. In a society where you have to choose between promiscuity and commitment, the latter holds much more promise even though there are no guarantees.