I remember the previous era of dating sites (eHarmony) proudly published stats about committed relations + marriage.

Anyway, have you gotten friends invested in your search? The first thing I would do is ask friends, their partners, and their partners' friends, and their partners' friends meddling aunties to set up a few blind dates. Mention that you're trying to meet "the one."

Good luck out there, hope your story is different one year from now!

That sentence...

Nothing personal, you're obviously right. It's the sheer technicality of it. I wish young people would find love as they used to, at balls or smth..

Dating apps are optimized for usage, not success. If you find a serious relationship, you stop using the app (Hopefully).

A dating app that helps you find a long term partner has failed to maximize your LTV

In my country, 80-90% people in their early 20s are in long term relationship and thus already off the market. They may not be in their final relationship, but they are of a somewhat serious nature and not a one-night stand.

By the age of 30, should they be so lucky, many/most would buy their first home. And move in together. If you think that's early, my dad had all of this settled at the age of 19.

35 is almost middle-aged. It's absurd to only start looking for a serious relationship then. It's like extending college/party years by 15(!) years.

It’s also about the illusion of choice and “settling” for worse. When you know there are attractive Harvard lawyers, why would you bother with some state school government worker? Now there’s no guarantee these women can actually land the first group but why not try?

As rational actors maximizing their utility, that’s the right move. The real question is what utility entails for that individual. But the default norm is by school and job prestige alongside physical looks.

I'm taken, but if were single, I'd rationally consider myself average-looking to decent. I would not find it rational at all for me to chase a supermodel (if beauty was the selector), I would in fact not try at all. Because rationally, some things are too good to be true.

The worse the inequality gets in society, the more rational it is to chase the top, in fact - specifically for women. As I wrote in another comment, it can be better to be the Nth wife of a prince rather than the first wife of a commoner (if you're optimizing for the survival/fitness of your offspring, albeit unconsciously).

Races tend to date within their own race. Really wish we could see your profile though to see if you're doing anything I perceive as wrong. I've seen guys with your exact description show me their profile and they have only one picture where it looks like they haven't showered in a month.

Interesting result, though at that time the US demographics were not as they are today so Asian is likely not South Asian as GGP comment references self as. Though who am I to guess.

I changed my focus to meeting people IRL and my dating life is better than ever!

I dated for a lot of years and, despite having some positives outlined by this article, I was also divorced and have a son. That made it massively more difficult to find a long term match given that many women flatly reject that combo.

I learned though to be upfront. About your life. About what you're looking for. You're not looking for 95% of women to be attracted to you! You're looking for one. It sounds like you're optimizing the search already, so don't waste time worrying about 95%. People always say be yourself and I didn't appreciate what that meant until I started taking control of my dating journey.

For example, I stopped tailoring dates around what they wanted to do. I planned stuff that I wanted to do and if somebody I was talking to wanted to come along, awesome. If not, I did it anyhow. I stopped hiding my love for Country music and went anyhow. My wife loves Country. :)

Also, if you're honest in your profile and somebody wants to start casual.. consider it. People have a hard time in the dating scene and you can't fault them for not wanting to invest 100% right away. Have confidence in yourself and know the right one will stick around no matter what they said in the beginning. And if they don't, that's cool too. Hopefully you have some fun dates and life experience to make you a better date when the right one does show up. It does take practice.

Much of a long term relationship starts when two people are at the right points in their lives. You can't really plan it, it just happens when it does and that's why people say they feel lucky. Much of it is luck. Leave space for that to happen too!

Good luck to you.

I know who I am and what I like. I advertise that on my profile and I take folks on dates that I like to do by myself. I’ve had a lot of success with relationships of all different lengths and levels of casual-ness.

If you are a dude in the dating pool and you are positioning yourself as what you think women want, you’re doing yourself a disservice.

Also some women might say that are not looking for something serious when they really mean just not interested in long term with the person asking. Sadly, men murder women, so women have to be careful about letting men down.

Plenty of people have met their spouse on dating apps, so the idea "if you are looking for a serious relationship - there's just no way you are going to find it on here." just isn't accurate.