This system is already essentially broken. Either you worked at a large business that only gives out dates of employment and job title by policy or you are in complete control of who the hiring company talks to.

The first time you don’t get a job because of a reference you gave you learn a lesson. If it ever happens again, it’s on you.

What's really an alternative. At least where I live, a multi-year gap in your CV is going to set off more red flags than an honest "It didn't work out between us".

Don’t give them your boss’s name. Give them a coworker’s name. Give them a friend’s name and have them lie for you.

If a company is proactively contacting people you don’t give them contact information for, that’s not requiring references — which is the process I (and the comment I replied to) was talking about. If a company knows where you’ve worked, they can contact them if they want.

What’s the solution for the latter point you mentioned?

If they proactively contact someone as part of their verification?

Then you’re fucked if they check and the reference is bad and they care. Either you take your chances, leave it as a gap in your resume, or you make something up.

In the past, I’ve extended the time I was at either the company before/after and then leave the one in the middle off. Smaller gap is easier to explain and you just need a coworker at the one you stretched to cover for you - or have it be somebody who wasn’t there during the time you added. You can also just say you did the “freelance” thing and then talk about whatever you want.

I’ve also just been 100% honest and said, “I didn’t like this job and left on bad terms. I’d rather you not contact them.”

Just have to read the situation and make your best guess as to what is going to get you the job.