It's also worth noting that Apple Pay isn't its own protocol, it just does the same thing as the tap to pay built into cards, so not at all within Apple's control how much it's supported or how the terminal works.

Visiting America feels like travelling back in time in this regard

It's pretty obvious, it says "tap to pay" and has the logo on it?

But even for the ones that are decent, idk why I'd not just use my credit card.

I.e. less-snarkily, nothing about that complaint relates to Apple Pay, just to how contactless payments work in general, whether they're from a phone or from a card. Most cards are contactless -- even in the USA -- these days, in my experience.

CDCVM also generally doesn't have a contactless floor limit meaning while a contactless card may have a $100-200 cap for transactions, Apple Pay usually doesn't have a cap. Even when local contactless cards may be declined! I say usually because the terminal has to have been updated over the last few years to negotiate CDCVM, which they will in time.

I would highly recommend starting with Apple Pay abroad and only if it doesn't work falling back to a physical card because you will have a far better experience.

This is actually kind of antithetical to your point. Apple Pay interoperates with all conventional point of sale systems. It's a PCI compliant, certified, contactless EMV payment device. You can use it anywhere you see the contactless EMV logo. There are standards actually about where that logo should be placed on the payment terminal to minimize confusion.

As for how to hold it, you're going to actually have less trouble figuring that out as compared to a passive card since passive cards have to be positioned a lot more accurately within the field.

There's a lot of examples of what you're describing but this isn't one.