I've had a lot of luck with "Hey, I appreciate that you always ask how I am when you're reaching out to me, but when you need something from me you can just ask upfront. You don't need to say Hi and wait for me to reply before asking. That way I don't keep you waiting and I can answer you as soon as I see your message"
You don't have to tell them that you actually want to prioritize them based on their question, and absolutely will keep them waiting if you don't think it's urgent.
So dark matter developers then are the most important kind of developer: doing the vital work that keeps the company going but which nobody else sees because they're just doing the job properly.
And then of course their are the flashy visible developers who want everyone to know and see that they're working, because ultimately what they do doesn't really matter even though it may generate a lot of flash and noise.
Self improvers are the ones reading Hacker News, going to conferences, and generally trying to hone their skill.
Dark matter developers are a class I've shamelessly stolen from https://www.hanselman.com/blog/dark-matter-developers-the-un... - which is definitely worth a read for the context, but the gist is that they're in this as a 9-to-5.
The trouble comes where the two groups meet. We can all learn about how to ask better questions and more generally improve our communication skills, but it's vastly more difficult to _make someone care_ to do so. We've all seen and empathized with https://www.nohello.com/, but if you link it to a dark matter coworker who behaves exactly this way, chances are they will see it as an attack, not as a recommendation - and that attack reflects poorly on you, rather than on them.