This, working in big tech I've found that the activities are also incredibly infantile and marketed as such.

Yes I work with software, no I don't expect everything to be a computer game or "cute".

It's doubly infantilizing: First, management assumes that their pet programmers are little babies that need play dates with the other office furniture (to mix several metaphors). Second, they assume that the only way to help us is to let us expense a round of laser tag.

That’s because it’s incredibly safe to go into Disney mode. I hate it too as it makes me feel like they’re treating me like a fragile 12 year old.

>Working together 40 hours a week for years at a time should provide plenty of opportunity

Yeah, but when starting a new project affords almost none. Should it remain like that for years?

I hate the "corporate fun" exercises as much as the next guy but without something to build trust most teams flounder.

Japananese/South Korean salaryman drinking culture (or any after work drinks culture) works well at this coz alcohol naturally makes people vulnerable. It obviously has its own problems.

Starting a new project with a brand new team is a management failure. If you can't put the project into the hands of a team that is already functional, it will inevitably fail. Barring that, sure, you can try to fake it by pressuring your employees into doing a ton of drugs with each other on your say-so.

Just because a certain pattern of behavior is desirable for management doesn't mean that it is a healthy or even possible pattern of behavior for real human beings.

Work build trust. Trust is built as I see your work output and the effort you are putting in. I’ve never developer trust in anyone through an activity outside of work. I have come away with a worse opinion of some people as I see how they behave outside of work.

Exactly. Just because it would be convenient for management if $200 worth of Dave & Busters could turn a group of strangers into a well-functioning team does not make it so. Sure, you can try it, but it won't work. What will work? Not doing anything at all beyond paying people fairly, letting people have adequate time off, setting realistic expectations and deadlines, and not constantly shuffling your organization around like it's a fantasy football team.

Even if you could somehow sprinkle social fertilizer on your team and make them all besties with a sick ropes course in Provo, it is immoral to expect it. Your employees' relationships are their business, not yours.

I can live without a lot of the forced fun/team building exercises. As you say, a lot of this happens fairly naturally at least in person. (Certainly, less so remotely.)

On the other hand, I've heard remote/distributed people very vocally object to being asked to travel to a team meeting once or twice a year on the grounds that they work 9-5 (or whatever) and that's it.