Besides, it's often not just about the fact that someone has to do household labor. A lot of women are realizing that said ideal husband somehow expects their partner to clean up after them, essentially taking over the role of his mother. This is despite both parties often having a full-time job.
A lot of men demonstrate a form learned helplessness, and pretend they are unable to do even the most minimal form of household labor - often including things as trivial as putting the dishes they used in the dishwasher, or putting dirty laundry in the hamper. This needlessly complicates what should've been a trivial chore, and breeds resentment.
A commonly-heard sentiment is that women feel like they have to care for their husband as if he is another child. Their husband expects them to act as his mother and a maid in one. I am not really surprised that this is a turn-off.
I hear this complaint a lot, but the inverse is also true. Many women expect their male partner to take over the role of her father. Any relationship that has severely asymmetric exchange of value is ultimately doomed.
But it seems reasonable to me that in a healthy relationship, each partner at least partially replaces the role of the other's parent, so long as the exchange is balanced.
Relationships of all kinds are ultimately built on value exchange. Parasitic relationships are those in which the value exchange is severely unbalanced. And these kinds of parasitic relations inevitably end, either because the node getting sucked dry realizes it and cuts the bond, or because the parasite eventually sucks its host dry of all potential value and then cuts the bond to look for a new host.
You might be overthinking a generalized extreme example designed to illustrate my point.
Having said that, wives often discount the bits that their husbands do for their household. It goes like: Thing A is something only my husband knows how to do, so he would be doing it; whereas we are both capable of doing B so let's share it fairly.
Things A tending to be large, more-spaced-out endeavors such as fixing things.
We just got our house exterior painted. Yesterday she insisted on helping out with some of the "handyman" work, and learned how to wire up some light fixtures.
The wealthy, hard-working and fit wife may be not that happy to do 100% of the housework while the wealthy, hard-working and fit husband sits in front of the TV.
The flip side is that 20% or so of women were sexually abused as children and that creates a situation where no matter how many current time causes of resentment you remove and no matter how many positive things you try to add it is like trying to get a fish to fly. There is a reason why they don’t let victims of sexual abuse serve on the juries of people like Danny Masterson because one person’s indulgence can permanently deprive the victim and their partners of what is an important part of life for most people.
Others just figure that a year in prison is not enough to pay for damage that lasts a lifetime, particularly when it affects the people around you in a cryptic way, and look for opportunities to hurt other people.
What country/city/area is this? I find this exceptionally hard to believe.
https://victimsofcrime.org/child-sexual-abuse-statistics/
There are some therapists who see couples who say that when sex is not working for a couple and the simple things don’t work that the cause is almost always past abuse. It is an N=1 experiment but I can say talking about that with my partner led to some revelations 2 days later that were dimly remembered but later confirmed by others who were involved.
The main issue is that if happens to you it makes a wound that doesn’t ever heal and you are very inclined to want to pass your trauma forward to somebody…. If you knew that person crossing the road in front of you was a molestor you might think about not applying the brake…
I can say it makes people like
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lauren_Book
go Batman on people’s asses and lead to situations like
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julia_Tuttle_Causeway_sex_offe...
If a broke husband with a massive beer belly while sitting planted in front of the TV and covered in pretzel crumbs told his wife to clean all of the dishes and vacuum the house and then do laundry, anybody would probably mentally check out of that relationship eventually, and deservedly so.
But if a wealthy, hard-working, and fit husband asked his wife to do 100% of the housework, that's probably not going to dampen sexual desire in the slightest.