Everyone has their own risk analysis. My analysis is that this is totally out of whack. Covid will be around longer than you’ll be alive. Make a friend it won’t kill you.
What really gets me though I know people with your level of risk aversion* who force their developing kids into lockdown. I think the cohort born ~2014-2018 are really gonna be an odd bunch.
* partial risk aversion. The risk of social isolation is not taken into account and weighed against.
I feel that as a society we have moved on from solving that problem and we now treat it as a cost of living, but it’s an enormous dead weight on society.
We all look around for every little thing we can do to reduce our risk of getting sick but we’re collectively unable to eat less. It’s like bandaging up someone who got hit by a train.
For most people who have weakened immune systems, they don’t have some rare disease. They’re just fat. That’s the state of the developed word right now.
I am taking the risk of social isolation into account- that is why I say "even though it is wrecking my mental health". It is something I am very aware of.
Friends are those relationships which I made during childhood. I still keep those relationships up. We have a much stronger bond through the stuff we have been through together.
I think friendship needs very strong loyality which is just not given in a normal work environment. Eg I’d never lie in court for my acquaintances, but I have certainly for my friends.
I am 25.
The reason is simple: I moved when I was 23, to a place where I didn't know anyone. I met people there, we did stuff together, often, because I was very available, because I didn't yet have other people to spend time with, and now we are friends.
If you already have an established group of friends, you are probably less available to make new ones. But if you find yourself in a situation where distance is created, that's when you are the most available to make new friends.
I'm only a decade older than you, but when I look back over that decade it feels like everything's changed. I've made new friends through hobbies, music, sports and yes, the workplace. I've lost touch with some people I thought were close friends. I've also been surprised by getting back in touch with people from school or university who I thought I might never hear from again.
Would I lie for those people in court (or vice versa)? I dunno. It's kind of a weird litmus test, because it depends on one's principles, how serious the charge is, and one's perspective on the legal system. It could happen, but I could only answer on a case by case basis. It's possible that I'd lie in court for a complete stranger if the circumstances were right. I struggle with absolutist views like "This is what friendship means and I will 100% behave in this way if that situation arises".
How would I define "friend" as opposed to "acquaintance"? Possibly as simple as: someone that you spend time with just for the enjoyment of it. If they're a work colleague, this means that you're likely to meet up socially, away from the office and work events (even if just online). Otherwise you're there because you have to be.
You have lied in court. Is this correct. How do we know you are telling us the truth.
But: It’s not hard to say „no, I have never seen him doing drugs“ or whatever.
Don’t expect everyone to say the truth just because game theory suggests to optimize for individual rather than mutual reward.
I moved half a world away for a masters and now have a job in another country. I feel this so much. I've been tempted to go back several times just because the lack of connection. It doesn't help I'm in a smaller country which makes it hard to break into friend groups when they've all known each other since secondary school (or longer) or Uni.
Discord really can't replace in-person discussion and experiences.
COVID is going to be around forever. I don't know why anyone is still letting it disrupt their lives.
It is a bet that I'm taking; I'm definitely curious to see 10 years down the road the difference in health between me (with a few years of social isolation) and those I know that have caught COVID multiple times. Usually they are catching it multiple times within the span of a few months/a year.
In March of 2020, we all started working remotely and I haven't seen any of them since. Even if I wanted to, almost all of them have moved to other cities, states, or countries. Most left the company we were at (including me). We have a Discord server where we all still talk and chat, but it's a cheap imitation of what we used to have.
Now, I work with a team of people who are completely scattered geographically. Maybe once every few months I will see one of them in person if they happen to be in the area. They feel like strictly co-workers- I don't think we've ever really laughed or just goofed around that much, and certainly aren't hanging out outside of work hours. I wouldn't be able to call one of them up in a time of crisis and ask for help.
I miss my friends, and the simple solution would be "go find new ones!" but, like this essay points out, that's not exactly easy and there's a "blind spot" about how hard it can be. There's also still a pandemic going on- I haven't caught COVID-19 yet and don't plan on it. Any sort of friendship that would involve physically being near other people on a regular basis is just asking for it. To me, getting sick is not worth having a friend, even though it is wrecking my mental health. I know that equation is different for other people.