I try to avoid them because they enable the store to replace humans with robots.

To replace paid employees with customers working for free, I'd say?

Yep.

It's the exact same amount of robot, just more dumbed down when it's customer facing.

I avoid them because it's not my job to scan and bag groceries.

This is hilarious to me. You would wait longer because nobody is paying you to do your shopping?

I am picturing the hand model from zoolander, with the glass protection orbs, making someone else do absolutely everything for them.

Absolutely. If they're not going to take the cost of the labor off my bill then I'm just doing them a favor by letting them hire one less cashier while shifting an unwanted burden onto myself.

The worker scanning and bagging my groceries is a service that makes my shopping experience more pleasant and less taxing on me. I'm not giving that up in exchange for nothing.

I avoid self-checkouts because it almost always takes longer; something always goes wrong.

The ones I will never use are those which have a voice you can't turn off. Having to listen to those as I queue nearby, all I want for xmas is a HIMARS.

Depending on the situation, I can sometimes operate the U-scan and bag faster than a traditional checkout lane (especially considering the longer wait time for the two open lanes). I worked for quite a few years as a cashier though.

I'm in Ireland, I just use the dutch and danes as funny examples because they are the more regular cyclists but also have the shittiest bikes of any western country, thanks entirely to their topology.

Also, you don't have self checkout "stores" here. Essentially every supermarket has a self checkout section. You can just make your judgement call in there on the fly. It's pretty much always faster though even if someone has a decent sized load due to the shared queue system.

Wow, here in the USA, I never have issues like this. Where I'm at, all the people with huge carts filled with food go to the checkout lines. The only people who use the self-checkout are people with 1-15 items. There usually are at least 6 self-checkout terminals. I look at the checkout counter with a live employee and the are without doubt, always always always so much slower, because they will have 3 people in line with 50+ items.

I think if someone brought 50 items to self-checkout area, they would get knifed in the back.

There are usually at least 6 terminals, so if you have a incompetent idiot on one of them, it doesn't make too much of a difference.

About 90% of the time, there's no line.