For 4 - worth checking out Squad. 50v50 matches with quite a bit of realism baked in. My favorite moments are getting setup in advance where the enemy is likely to advance with a trusty MG, going prone and just waiting for them to run into my sightline.

While having quick reflexes is always a benefit, positioning and teamwork is more important in Squad.

Finding a server with consistently decent squad leaders is definitely important to get the most out of the game. If the squad lead isn't talking for more then a minute or two, leave and join another.

You can get a bit of mileage out of Fortnite by landing in less popular areas and building up your inventory as you slowly work towards the eventual late-game circle. Hide in a house or bush if you have to. Crouch a lot and get the jump on others to improve your chances.

I'm 40+ and play Fortnite with my son, and while I worry his gaming exposure is very heavily weighted to one game with minimal story, we have a great time working as a team and talking about strategies to maximise our chances. He's 9yo and a very strong player. I don't find reflexes to be that much of a problem, but I'm not sure how old you mean by "older"!

> Civilization like civ 1

You might like The Battle of Polytopia. Not the same but has similar vibes.

1.

https://www.beyondallreason.info/

Watch this space, it's already decent and also OSS.

PS: One hill I will die on is games using Discord as forum/wiki like this one does. Try searching google for information about unit or something, nothing. I guess I will have to make unofficial wiki/forum one day.

w.r.t. (4.) it sounds like you may be better off with an FPS 'sim' type game over arena shooters etc. These suggestions may not be your thing though but I thought I'd post them anyway:

If you like your FPS games with a side of inventory management and googling around for wiki hints, have a look at Escape from Tarkov. I'd suggest watching a bunch of Pestily's content (his The Raid series on youtube) to figure out if the game is for you. IMO it rewards experience over reflexes - but may be a different kind of 'experience' from what you are interested in. Lots to learn about map layouts, ammo types, etc.

Also have a look at the new Arma game (called Arma Reforger), seems like it could be (or become, with updates) interesting.

For 4, try out Hell Let Loose. It is multiplayer fps with heavy focus on communication and classes. I can guarantee that you don't need much reflexes because I have played and enjoyed the game at >200 ping :)

> FPS that can be played in large scale format but doesn't reward 14 year old reflexes

FWIW I've recently gotten an Oculus Quest 2 and I've been playing a lot of Pavlov Shack. I was afraid of the quick-reflexes, playing-all-the-time, fearsome 14 years old (and judging by their voices, there's a lot of them), but I've been doing pretty well - usually ending up with a 2:1 or 3:1 K/D ratio, top of the team table, and playing maybe an hour every other day. I'm very surprised by this, and I can't really explain it - I'm not a gamer and the last time I played an FPS seriously was before 2010. TLDR: Go get 'em!

I play pavlov on PCVR and it’sa bit of a different experience. Not sure if there is cross play but most of the people I’ve played against are much more experienced. I think a lot of the people that spend a significant amount amount of time playing also use a mount for their controllers to improve stability and aim.

I use a Sanlaki gunstock, and it has improved my aim massively. Headshots were practically impossible before, now they work routinely if I aim properly.

>2 - Updated subspace - it was the level of competition and community that made that game amazing in the 90s.

http://freeinfantry.com/