But in the last fifteen years, I have had to deal with four people who were narcissists, two through work and two in private life. Each case was very difficult.
Those four were from very different backgrounds--four different countries of origin, three different first languages, one had grown up poor, another was from a rich family. If narcissism is becoming more prevalent, my limited sample offers no clue about possible social causes.
It is because the wolves are in command and dont want sheep to pull the wool off their eyes?
Seems rather important concepts to learn as you go out into the world. Not everyone sees the world thru your prism.
Who of our parents are bad?
Who of the other teachers are bad?
If you say "none", you will likely get caught in a lie.
I think most kids figure out by themselves that many people are somewhat bad. It's mainly kids who are slightly/somewhat autistic who need help with this.
Thanks for the insight.
These are strategies and perspectives I've learned from having narcissistic family members. I hope it helps. The best thing you can do is just not deal with them at all, but sometimes it's unavoidable.
And yes, it's very effective. And even better, allows you to detach and recoup your time and peace.
Here's to healthier relationships.
Other than just being aware and observant and learning through experience, are there any good resources for this? "Art of War" maybe? Something from fields like psychology or sociology?
I wish I hadn’t read it, but at least I know.
I recommend reading some Taoist or Stoic books after to keep from becoming deeply depressed.
Read critical theory like the Communist Manifesto and read about the work of Foucault.
Read critical history books like Why Nations Fail and A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn.
Some philosophy like Aristotle's Politics, Kant's categorical imperative and Rawl's veil of ignorance are also helpful I think.
The author needs to spend time identifying how people use tactics to assert and obtain power. Even if you don't want to use those tactics yourself, which is fine, your whole life will be better served by knowing how to deflect tactics others use to submit you (lowering your perceived value to others).
For some people, all they have is power games. They can't rely on abilities or genuine personality traits, so they have to rely on manipulating perceptions of themselves and others. Other people have the privilege of not needing to do that, so they never develop those manipulation instincts through practice. They get taken advantage of because they don't even see the games being played.
Imo, the sweet spot is not needing to manipulate others in order to have your intended effect on the world, but being able to do so to when it's required.