Hey I ain't got kids so only a thought but whilst fun, that sounds toxic. Let the kid play to their fullest enjoyment then tell them to stop, this seems the worst of both options.

Or at least tell the kid, and have it play normally, but increase over time past the allocated hours. They'd likely work out which games have the best net-code and would be a teaching opportunity about TCP vs UDP xD

Having grown up in a house with DSL, I can say that this works. When YouTube only plays in 240p it's a lot less addictive.

Though then you run the danger of https://xkcd.com/598/

I don't have kids either but I remember my youth well enough to know that this probably would have worked on me and my parents just telling me to stop probably wouldnt (and hadnt if they made the effort to do this)

Really? This wouldn't have made me want to stop. It only would've made me bitter and angry.

You would never know it was on purpose , we blame in on the ISP. They just accept it as a fact of life and guess what it works, play less, going out with family and friends more. I just can never ever get caught or i ruin everything so i go to great lenghts not to get caught

Some children hit a certain age and then just don’t give a shit. Can happen to the best parents. Honestly, the only thing toxic about it is that it sounds like the the child didn’t know it had been done to him. Let them know they have boundaries. If he gets around it, at least he’s showing ingenuity.

As a parent you're up against a widespread addiction to social platforms that dramatically outpace you with psychological tricks, fomo, and advertising. It's insurmountable. Your kids will go through phases where they won't listen to reason, and will often seek out ways to defy it.

In a perfect world I'd agree that parents shouldn't do stuff like this, but the world is far from perfect.

This is a rationalization parents do in order to avoid the feeling that comes with implicitly (or explicitly) being criticized on their parenting.

"This modern world is too complex", "I have no time for it", "I can't afford such a luxury", "kids are just going to be contrarian". So they come out with easy punishments as a "solution".

It isn't an easy task, but it's not an insurmountable one to have a chat with a teenager to figure out what kind of life they want to lead in the future and work out with them *as a peer* what they objectively need to do to get there and how they can manage that. Then revise and review the plan every year or so. Let them figure out what time they can allocate to their hobbies and only make suggestions if you disagree.

If your child is a kid, where they can't possibly be mature enough to start discussing his adult life, then just let them play the freaking game. If you're giving them love, they're socializing enough not to feel isolated, are getting basic education, not suffering from malnutrition, and are not being traumatized by helicopter parenting, cults and other similar shit, you're likely doing your job fine. Don't ruin it by trying to architect the ever-living shit out of someone else's life.

You're reducing the point to fit a specific narrative so you can counter the entire argument with a shallow statement like "helicopter parents bad."

I'm not talking about helicopter parenting, I'm talking about combating multi-billion dollar companies with full-time psychologists on staff that are making concentrated efforts to get children addicted to their platforms, sometimes at the cost of their mental health.

"Let them play the freaking game" isn't a counter-point to the concept of children losing sleep and failing classes because they're up at 3am doom-scrolling instagram and falling into depression about the way they look. A phenomenon that the company is aware of and has done nothing about[1].

Large social media companies are creating social dynamics that they barely understand to generate ad revenue, and to opt-out of these networks can lead to social isolation amongst peers. This isn't a simple matter of having more conversations with your kids or instilling specific values. The cards are so stacked against parents this is akin to telling your kids that all the feedback the world gives them (peers, popular media) is wrong. Many adults are even ill-equipped to handle this for themselves.

[1]: https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-knows-instagram-is-tox...

When i let 'play the freaking game' = play till 5am with friends, failed 1 yr school etc etc

So they get the worst of both worlds because you either didn't want to draw a line on them playing or you get some weird enjoyment in your kid having a shit time? Weird behaviour honestly

I draw a line they do it anyway behind my back.

That is sneaky, are you afraid of just being direct with your own kid?

My dad was very direct with me, i still tried to break all the rules, it's ok, helps them learn to deal with frustration (the 'kid' is 17)

Aren't you worried that dishonesty like that would hurt your relationship with your kid?

Only if i get caught, so i try not to. Would be extremely proud if he found out but even though he is in tradeschool for computers and networking i dont know wtf they teach there he has no clue how nothing works.