> Even if I'd really like to visit the US one day once corona passes, there is absolutely no way I'll consent to essentially a digital striptease search with orifice controls.

Don't take your phone and laptop with you on the plane. Maybe take an older phone (check lte bands and what not) that has been wiped and don't sign into things until you clear customs.

If you need a laptop, options are ship it seperately or wipe before transit and do a recovery later.