Some of them will be related to us.
I consider learning how to deal with that to be growing as a person.
For example, it’s ok that people believe things that make no sense.
It’s not my job to change people’s minds. It’s tough to get past the fact that people believe things that the facts contradict but I feel much better simply letting comments pass or saying “well, I really don’t see how that could be but if that works for you…”
This is an accurate way to describe my parents, too. I stopped talking to my dad after my mom died for many reasons including the above. Although I recognize they did their best, I just stopped answering phone calls one day. I didn't think about it; it just came from immense emotional pressure.
In retrospect, it was the right decision for my circumstance. I do appreciate your approach to deliberately keeping your parents at arm's length without cutting them off, though.
I did not keep in closer contact with my parents after I became a father but I did come to appreciate how well they raised me.
It's really hard to take. There's almost no "there" there, and spending time with them isn't a fruitful endeavor, and even from a charitable "put in the time" perspective, they just kick into stories of regrets and mistakes and losses (real estate losses) and that doesn't seem to do them any good either.
My parents are immigrants, so I gave them decades of allowances for that, but.. man.. unsatisfying and painful the whole thing is.
I endeavor with all of my awareness not to be that to my son, ever.
I relate to your entire post very well, but this particular point is one of the reasons I still keep in touch with my dad. I had to overcome some issues that - I believe he caused - and growing up was often painful because of him. But, he was there. So many times, I would say, That's clearly the wrong way to do that. I'll never do that. He didn't have that. It would have been really nice if he smoked a blunt and chilled the hell out, but I think I'm a lot better off than he was - having no example to learn from.
It wasn't until I became a parent that I understood the emotional toll that must have placed on my parents.
Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself.”
I know that cutting them off completely would be very painful for them, so, I put up with some BS from time to time just shield them from that pain. I'm in a good place, so they don't disturb my peace too much, but I have to be mindful about it.