I assumed it was common knowledge. Happy to share to source[1]
1: https://www.theonion.com/new-study-finds-it-is-impossible-to...
The Onion is satire. Either you're unaware of that, or your initial post was satire that just missed the mark.
1: https://www.theonion.com/new-study-finds-it-is-impossible-to...
Edit: Seeing that response, I think your top-level comment is a victim of Poe's Law...