The amazing part of this is that each individual core makes contact with each region of the (obviously stationary) memory drum once per revolution, providing dynamic cache adjacency.

Mel nods in approval: http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/story-of-mel.html

Make sure to incorporate an anti-twister mechanism for extra weirdness points: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-twister_mechanism