Reading a couple of pages using Amazon's preview feature… It might not be just the cover (which, in a more positive light, does seem like it allows one to judge the book by it).

Agreed. Writing is very hard. This is simple and repetitive in style. It is a writing style I would expect from fast paced. I came to see this as a warning sign. Didn't get through the sample and stopped reading. On the other hand I haven't written a novel. Keep up your work.

For all the criticism HN might not be the target audience/market. So advise is very difficult. Generally I think it is a marketing problem. There are a lot of successful authors who only became successful after a couple of books and the books that didn't sell were also fine. (after the author beeing known the book sell)

For an unknown author marketing is important (and for this book putting it in the shops at airports, railway station where people just want some 3h entertainment). So I think you shouldn't self publish but sell it through a publisher who has access to these channels.

Would you mind reading a couple pages of mine?

https://blondyn.com/lolpop.html

I actually randomly started adopting a very similar reading model with my short story series just yesterday, though with incorporating ~ 3 ad units per short story.

I’ve thought about testing this out for a bit, & while the idea of “inline-ads” sounds way-distracting, it does somewhat fit in with the “Pop Art” style literature of these short stories

Any feedback / critique super appreciated

I'll give you some feedback. The link color (#d4af37) and the background color (#eae4ce) is literally the worst combination I've ever seen. I thought magenta and emergency orange was bad.

I used to have a black background and the gold hyperlinks made for a better match

Thanks for the heads up, though, will choose a new link color tomorrow

If I'm reading this correctly, you mean "the text is equally low quality"? I appreciate the honest feedback.

Feels like a staccato of names. Werner, Hans, Bauer, Lange and others all over the place. "Hans helped Werner carry Bauer" caught my eye and most sentences start with a name. Of course it was dark and foggy as well. Lots of adjectives I wouldn't miss if they'd be gone (complete silence, absolute blackness). Also felt no sense of direction or what these guys were even up to. That is easy critique from a reader. My writing covers e-mails and stuff.

'Low quality' is subjective, and it's easy to criticise as a reader (because you know when something doesn't work), but it is hard to provide good feedback (because it's hard to convert that feeling into the concrete points of why it doesn't work).

5tefan noted a few issues I agree with. There is a lot happening there, but you're not giving the reader much to hold on to. Bauer getting shot by the SS officer is a means to establish his ruthlessness, but at this point the reader doesn't have much to actually care about poor Bauer — perhaps I could care a little if he shared a piece of chocolate with Werner at a stop earlier and related a short anecdote about his bucolic yet blissful childhood in the Rheinland-Pfalz helping at his uncle's vineyard (note that I am not a writer, this may not be good advice). The execution scene also feels overwrought. Lange seems to care about fulfilling his mission above all, and time seems of the essence, so why would this ruthless man waste time on a nobody like Bauer? He might as well have kicked him aside, sending him tumbling down into a ditch and left for dead and thrust the torch into Werner's hands (or perhaps his right-hand goon would have done so automatically) with a good deal of «Verdammt noch mal!» leaving the fatigued Wehrmacht privates and non-coms to carry on, unable to disobey their leader and leaving poor Bauer to his lot.

Also, starting with 'Alps' is like saying 'Texas'; it's a huge area spanning eight countries, and at this stage of the war it matters where they (roughly) are. I would expect something like 'Alps, somewhere near Saalfelden' or less specific 'The Bavarian Alps'.

I can't say if the story itself is good or bad (it has something of an Agatha Christie feel in terms of plot, which is not a bad vibe to have), but your prose looks like it needed a stern professional editor. Did you have one or did you rely solely on test reader feedback?

Bear in mind that by writing and actually publishing a novel you are already a better writer than I am (a mere humble reader), and anything you'll write after this will likely be better than what you've written before.

I love the cover :( I commissioned it through 99designs, went to many iterations with many artists, and even if I didn't make it myself, I'm basically responsible for it. I feel like it's the kind of cover this kind of book should have. I guess I'm wrong :(

It’s a good cover because it tells me in an honest way that I will not be interested in it.

I wouldn't assume it's actually a bad cover based on HN commenters' tastes. Look at what's successful in your niche and copy that (to my eye, looks like you've done that, but idk the niche well)

I like the cover, it makes me think of an Andy McNab novel, and based on the blurb looks like you're in a pretty close genre.

I mean, I think the cover is cool. It makes me think of a Jason Bourne novel involving Nazis. Which is also a type of book I’d never read, sorry.