I've had to change jobs in the past. A sudden job loss would be difficult; but I would have moved on if they hadn't given me the adjustment. I'm still getting offers that are similar to my new pay. Once I spun up my jobs network it takes awhile to spin back down.
I'm not a hard negotiator and I frankly don't want to be. I prefer to give a little when I can, and I'll just move on if I feel I'm being abused. There are too many other opportunities to stick around where you don't feel appreciated.
I’m glad you’re not actually that on the edge - I hope you believe it when push comes to shove and don’t forget.
In many cases, not feeling valued means you’re not getting the value you could be - and that can literally be millions of dollars over a career difference.
There are many unscrupulous bosses that will use underhanded tricks to convince people to take less pay to help widen that margin. In my experience it is ultimately self defeating and results in lower quality people staying. In the short term, it is amazing what people can be convinced to accept (been there when I was younger). It’s also amazing what people can feel entitled too beyond the economics of a situation.
I’m glad you’ve been making some inroads.
Step 1 is fixing the ‘I can’t afford to be out of work’ part - it puts you in an incredibly disadvantaged negotiating position. You’re holding yourself hostage essentially.
Sometimes this is purely psychological (been there). Everything is so stressful it’s too overwhelming to look. It’s worth figuring out a way to get the emotional space there, or you’ll always be stuck.
Sometimes it’s already insufficient pay, in which case figuring out a way to interview for the higher paying job or get credentials for a better role is the best way forward. Sometimes partnerships with others to help save on costs (a classic traditional reason for marriage and cohabitation) can be really good for everyone.