The gym I went to had almost exclusively very fit people, who obviously exercised a lot.

When I started out I was fairly overweight and completely out of shape, could barely do a couple of pushups, and I felt very uncomfortable and out of place.

However the others just did their programs, and I never got any looks or comments. So after a while I managed to relax and just get on with my own stuff.

I would imagine you got it right with the "get out of the gym if you are not already fit". It's amazing how badly people act towards people starting out on their fitness.

Literally never seen this happen. 98% guarantee the stigma is in the obese person’s own head more than anything.

It’s just easier to transfer the responsibility to ”an unfriendly environment” than taking responsibility & control of your own feelings and actions

I've never seen it happen in person either. As someone who used to be terrified of going to the gym because I didn't want to look like the new person at the gym, I can say for myself that it was all in my head.

"..you will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do." - David Foster Wallace

Literally seen this almost all the time at three different gym places...

I went to the gym I was asked to come back "later" as "the gym is near full (50% full actually) and we prefer 'regulars' to come and train for something instead of... kind of you...".

So, if I am like you - just seeing with my own eyes and not follow the feeling and facts from other persons - I would say that gym regulars are just full of s*** :)

I’ve been a gym rat for 15 years and the regulars I know will champion hardest for the people attempting a change.

Sorry you had foul experiences, but I’ll stick to 2% of the people being in that bucket.

I’ve been working out regularly for 20+ years in a gym and have never seen it either. If anything, I’ve seen the opposite, the super-fit go out of their way to encourage those who are unfit or just starting because they know the difficulties. I’ve literally never even been given a weird look when asking if I can work in on equipment even with the most intimidating gym rats. And this includes me doing a number of gym faux pas early.

I’m sure legitimate bad experiences do happen, but I also think a lot of perception is based on the stories we make up in our own heads.

I think it varies a lot by gym.

Ironically (for this thread), all the private rich-person gyms I've been to have mostly been populated by people who were not in good shape, and everybody was very friendly.

But these were also "health clubs" in the old school sense, not a fancy gym like Equinox where I would never even set foot.

Edit: I also have heard enough gym bullying stories to believe that it can and does happen, but it seems maybe only under circumstances that I have never been in.

Was in a gym that put signs on the wall admonishing people from commenting on those trying to get in shape. They were not getting the new members they wanted.

I have seen adults being hostile to fat people. Both in face and behind back. I don't think stigma is in obese persons head. I was curious about what went on in that gym specifically.

It happens, despite you not seeing it.

I don't know if is something about "small town" gyms. But in the gym I used to go when I was younger, the owner of the gym was also a global personal trainer, he will follow every person that joins the gym ( for free ), he will tell you what exercise do today and will follow you if the exercise is new or he notices you don't know how to do it properly, he will also help you with diet and everything in between. The other members of the gym were also very friendly and supportive, congratulating with you for every little advancement like "you look slimmer compared to a week ago"

When I moved to London I was never able to found a gym with that environment.

in my experience at the gym, you don't need to communicate with anyone at all. you take the free equipment, you lift, you make sure to put everything in its place, you shower and go home. wtf?

Direct communication isn't required to create a hostile environment. Sly looks, offhand remarks overheard while trying to do an exercise, etc.--they pile up. And poor people especially are conditioned to be mindful of this sort of thing. It's often dangerous (as in, an altercation that can become physical might occur) not to be when in public.

poor people also tend to be accustomed to harsh environments (bad neighbourhood, bad school etc) so mindful, maybe yes, but actually stressed to the level that you leave and miss out on smth you have the right to, I don't know...

Just say no to the gym, go out to a nearby forest and exercise there. A friend of mine (who I used to go jogging with) did that. He always found a suitable tree branch and that's all he needed for pull-ups. All other exercises can be done in nature too. It's gonna be healthier and cheaper, I assure you.

In college, we had the gym "where you goto show off." Gold's Gym was for the rest.

I used to be a "gym rat" but the general "guy culture" at most gyms is thinly veiled bully behavior. I can not count the number of times I interrupted normal, buff, and outright fat guys giving less-than-babe-status women grief. I finally found myself getting prepared for anger when going to the gym, and after switching gyms a number of times I gave up and now work out in parks and at home, away from the public assholes that ruin it for all but the beautiful.