Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness
by paulryanrogers on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @08:06PM
(#27044451)
> I started discarding nearly all of the dating advice I'd gotten from peers, TV, movies, etc.
What seems to have worked in my circles is simply lowering overly high expectations. It is interesting how long some are willing to wait, pining away, for that perfect match when they themselves are ... not exceptionally attractive.
Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness
by gautamcgoel on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @11:22PM
(#27045812)
Can you please expand on what you learned? I'm sure those of us in their twenties would love to hear more.
Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness
by everdrive on Wednesday May 05, 2021 @06:47PM
(#27056798)
I wrote a pretty long reply here, but it's apparently too long for HN. Do you happen to know a good place I could post it?
Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness
by gautamcgoel on Friday May 07, 2021 @10:00PM
(#27082953)
Post it on BitBucket or GitHub, then post a link here.
Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness
by 2lwxxtj on Wednesday May 05, 2021 @05:51PM
(#27056280)
Their preferences may be innate, but their standards are not. Their standards change depending on their life experience. If men they find very attractive give them attention (but not commitment), they are going to have a harder time settling down with men they find less attractive but which are willing to commit to them.
Not at all, especially because it's most likely that they can't help it. It'd be like asking me to find ugly girls sexually attractive. Even if I felt it would be the best the to do morally, I couldn't will myself to it: it's out of my control for the most part. And so it is with women: we really shouldn't hate someone for their innate preferences. (and especially we shouldn't hate a whole class of people -- 51% of them in fact!)
I think the primary problem here is that idealists have tried to force beliefs that they think are the "best" beliefs, but many of these don't match up with reality. When I finally learned how women work, I didn't become some bitter incel; rather, I met the woman of my dreams, and we've been happily married for almost 8 years. The relationship with her has been the only really successful relationship I've had, in my opinion. What changed? Well, it's too long to get into all the details here, but I started discarding nearly all of the dating advice I'd gotten from peers, TV, movies, etc.