Doesn't really work the same way for dudes
Not at all, especially because it's most likely that they can't help it. It'd be like asking me to find ugly girls sexually attractive. Even if I felt it would be the best the to do morally, I couldn't will myself to it: it's out of my control for the most part. And so it is with women: we really shouldn't hate someone for their innate preferences. (and especially we shouldn't hate a whole class of people -- 51% of them in fact!)
I think the primary problem here is that idealists have tried to force beliefs that they think are the "best" beliefs, but many of these don't match up with reality. When I finally learned how women work, I didn't become some bitter incel; rather, I met the woman of my dreams, and we've been happily married for almost 8 years. The relationship with her has been the only really successful relationship I've had, in my opinion. What changed? Well, it's too long to get into all the details here, but I started discarding nearly all of the dating advice I'd gotten from peers, TV, movies, etc.
What seems to have worked in my circles is simply lowering overly high expectations. It is interesting how long some are willing to wait, pining away, for that perfect match when they themselves are ... not exceptionally attractive.
I apologize if that misconstrues your opinion, but I've heard it elsewhere before: that somehow women 'should' be more forgiving of unattractiveness than men are, and that's really weird to me. Women don't owe it to any men to find them desirable, and vice-versa.