Walk into WalMart with cash and buy a prepaid gift card. Voilà. And the best part: it works literally everywhere. Both the buying and the using. Unlike flavor-of-the-week crypto.
Though, let's be real for a second, the ways to screw up from this point are many and varied. Accidentally use your home IP address to make the purchase? Oops. Did the naughty thing at Starbucks and there just happened to be a CCTV cam on you? Oh noes.
Probably best to stay offline, use cash everywhere, limit your banking, turn off your smartphone, and move from location to location constantly.
Or just give up.
> O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.
You can't: buy a fancy boat, car, or house. You can't pay for your kids school supplies (or school tuition), or treat your wife to a fancy hair do.
The money laundering laws try to stop people dealing in tens of thousands of dollars, who LIVE off of the money.
Also, something to keep in mind, most financial companies have a "Know Your Customer" stage where they verify you employment and income. If you are trying to buy a $20k thing, and your only income is "a stack of Visa Gift Cards", you're going to have a bad day.
Or letting someone else to do that in Starbucks by buying him off would be quite easy.
The real solution is to drop bitcoin and use better technology. Monero looks like the best option right now. Private transactions, concealed amounts, fungibility, low fees and fast transaction processing. It's everything bitcoin was meant to be.