On top of that, we don't know what the mother (who may be a single parent) needs to deal with on a day to day basis and how much cognitive load that is. Does her car need work? Does she even have a car? How much time does she spend commuting between three jobs? How much does heating/water/electricity take out of her paycheck? Can she afford to buy healthy groceries for her kids? Does she even have time to cook? I can guess, but I don't even know, and it doesn't feel right to judge her because of that.

This lady is in a hole and sometimes I feel our society just throws a shovel at her and thinks poorly of her when she doesn't use it.

Wouldn't that be a argument for the kid to be placed into a foster home?

This is a really concerning (and common) response to the hypothetical situation where a parent is putting in non-stop effort to try to do what’s best for her kids.

But as in divorces the state cares about child well being not how much efforts the parents put in.

I agree that the child’s well being should be primary concern, but I mean to say that if a parent is doing everything and anything we hope a parent would do, and they still can’t reach what the law says is a “minimum level of well being”, then that should really be looked at not as a failing of the parent, but as a failing of society.